The Long Road Ahead: C10
Until Now
This novel was posted on cntranslations [dot] com, by anasiana. If you're not reading it there, you get what you get ￣へ￣)
"Let's not talk about me." Xiao Ning quickly changed the topic, "Actually, this is the first time I've ever participated in one of your romantic affairs, Lu Yan."
iana: him smiling while thinking about Shan Haiming is adorable.
"Hmph." Lu Yan took back his hand. "That's because you always run off to go hide somewhere far away."
What could he do now? Say he has a girlfriend, perhaps? But where could he find a close female friend? All he had was a ready-made boyfriend. For the sake of not making Lu Yan's lover feel complicated towards him, he ended up causing trouble to Lu Yan. So now Xiao Ning had no choice but to restrain his careful nature, doing what he must to clear up this present situation.
Hide?
He then thought of the time when he sprained his foot trying to kick a ball and Lu Yan took him to the infirmary and said: "You're really interesting, I'll cover for you from now on."
What about this should I be happy about?
"What does this, and how long it's been since we've met, have to do with each other" Lu Yan's bad temper came out as he retorted, "Besides, he and I knew each other for a while now through the online game."
Yes, this is how it was.
After he said those words, Xiao Ning himself was surprised at just how cold his tone was as he did. It was unlike him, simply unlike his usual self.
Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting."
"Alright. I was indebted to you in my last life it seems." Xiao Ning then teased, "But don't you realise, with how fast you change partners, I'm afraid I might call someone the wrong name by accident and cause you a troublesome scene? By the way, how long will this one last anyhow? I at least want to prepare my heart."
Xiao Ning never expected Lu Yan to use this word, then he heard the man continue, "In the beginning, I thought it was because you believed homosexuality was disgusting or something."
Lu Yan stared at him as if he didn't know the person he was looking at, unable to hold back his laughter, "If I keep talking to you I'll never be able to understand the word 'serious' again. Xiao Ning, what's going on right now? Yes, I know that I fell in and out of love really fast in the past. But, even if you thought I wasn't such a respectable person before, right now, I think I am quite serious. So shouldn't you of all people be happy for me?"
Xiao Ning gulped, correcting him: "N-no, of course not, I just didn't want to be a third wheel."
Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?"
"So uh... you and Lu Yan were classmates in university, right?" Xia Li asked with great interest, causing Xiao Ning to promptly swallow the hot bitter liquid in his mouth with a nod. "I've been classmates with Lu Yan since primary school, actually."
Happy?
It was far too early for them to begin shopping, so Lu Yan dropped them off on a commercial street before heading to his company to make the final preparations for the business meeting he had that afternoon. After he left, Xiao Ning dazedly took Xia Li to a Starbucks and ordered them two cups of coffee.
When all is said and done, Xia Li was young, so there was so much pureness in his eyes. Furthermore, when the light leaked into them, they seemed to be ignited, making them appear very beautiful as they shined. Maybe this is what Lu Yan is so fond of with this boy.
"So you're just afraid of trouble?" Lu Yan didn't know why but, just then, he let out a smile, "But my trouble isn't something you can avoid, so you just better give up trying to already."
As he said all this, his gaze turned downwards while a smile found its way onto his face. This smile of his was so gentle, and filled with so much emotion, that seeing such a look on Lu Yan's face was simply a rare sight behold. It was such a marvel to the point where it pricked at Xiao Ning's eyes. Lu Yan then continued, "Did you know, that he wasn't even into guys before being with me either?"
Yes, this is how it was.
Hide?
What could he do now? Say he has a girlfriend, perhaps? But where could he find a close female friend? All he had was a ready-made boyfriend. For the sake of not making Lu Yan's lover feel complicated towards him, he ended up causing trouble to Lu Yan. So now Xiao Ning had no choice but to restrain his careful nature, doing what he must to clear up this present situation.
"Alright. I was indebted to you in my last life it seems." Xiao Ning then teased, "But don't you realise, with how fast you change partners, I'm afraid I might call someone the wrong name by accident and cause you a troublesome scene? By the way, how long will this one last anyhow? I at least want to prepare my heart."
"Alright. I was indebted to you in my last life it seems." Xiao Ning then teased, "But don't you realise, with how fast you change partners, I'm afraid I might call someone the wrong name by accident and cause you a troublesome scene? By the way, how long will this one last anyhow? I at least want to prepare my heart."
But, as usual, Lu Yan didn't notice it at all. He had only ever paid attention to his own emotions and not others, with him further adding, "I don't know how to explain it, you know? It's just... I feel kind of responsible."
Xia Li, despite being a bit shy when it came to getting along with strangers, overall, had a disposition that was cheerful. So, in that shop, clutching the large cup of coffee in his hands, he was the one who initiated a conversation with Xiao Ning. His three-month internship at the advertising company, along with his just finishing college, were all things he managed to bring up in his chat. These topics made Xiao Ning recall his own days as a student and even managed to coax him into saying a few words in return as well.
What right do I have to hate him anyhow?
"No, I didn't." Xiao Ning stated bluntly, then asked, "So what?"
The words he spoke were exceedingly doubtful, and Xiao Ning's lips finally found themselves parting, revealing on his face a full smile. "I seriously never expected you to still be this pure and simple. Is this kind of like a virgin complex or whatever?"
Lu Yan didn't reply to him, however, only holding onto the staring heel as he stared at the ceiling for a while.
It's... already been this long, huh?
"Huh?" Lu Yan regained his senses, a knit forming between his brows. It was as if there was something he couldn't figure out. "Xiao'Ning, I'm going to be honest with you. I think that Xia Li is different."
He truly held no hateful feelings towards Xia Li.
"Ah, Lu Yan has lived as a young master since he was a child, and I spent my life being an errand boy for the likes of him. It's just that I'm just used to it, that's all." After saying this, Xiao Ning took a sip of his coffee, unable to taste any of the flavours. "Besides, I think I'll be free from doing so in the future."
Until Now
But, as usual, Lu Yan didn't notice it at all. He had only ever paid attention to his own emotions and not others, with him further adding, "I don't know how to explain it, you know? It's just... I feel kind of responsible."
After he said those words, Xiao Ning himself was surprised at just how cold his tone was as he did. It was unlike him, simply unlike his usual self.
Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?"
Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled, to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's father—as in, Lu Yan's grandfather—was an old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression and aid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit of freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.
"Like you said before, he is my friend." Xiao Ning however didn't mention that Lu Yan's love affairs with men were no different than his playing with anything he found interesting, let alone mentioning that regardless of whether he was being serious or not, just being seen by those two old folks of the Lu Yan household was already failing the test.
At the end of the day, the one who chose this was him.
What could he do now? Say he has a girlfriend, perhaps? But where could he find a close female friend? All he had was a ready-made boyfriend. For the sake of not making Lu Yan's lover feel complicated towards him, he ended up causing trouble to Lu Yan. So now Xiao Ning had no choice but to restrain his careful nature, doing what he must to clear up this present situation.
N/A
Xia Li, despite being a bit shy when it came to getting along with strangers, overall, had a disposition that was cheerful. So, in that shop, clutching the large cup of coffee in his hands, he was the one who initiated a conversation with Xiao Ning. His three-month internship at the advertising company, along with his just finishing college, were all things he managed to bring up in his chat. These topics made Xiao Ning recall his own days as a student and even managed to coax him into saying a few words in return as well.
Seeing the childlike happiness radiating from the side view he had of Lu Yan's face, made Xiao Ning feel as though there was a hole in his stomach, a hole where something was missing. But, thankfully, the morning breeze had kept blowing through the open window beside him, and for a while, it seemed to have cooled everything down.
"Huh?" Lu Yan regained his senses, a knit forming between his brows. It was as if there was something he couldn't figure out. "Xiao'Ning, I'm going to be honest with you. I think that Xia Li is different."
This moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan's unclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.
"Like you said before, he is my friend." Xiao Ning however didn't mention that Lu Yan's love affairs with men were no different than his playing with anything he found interesting, let alone mentioning that regardless of whether he was being serious or not, just being seen by those two old folks of the Lu Yan household was already failing the test.
"Xiao Ning?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you."
"Different?" After asking this, Xiao Ning wore a faint smile, one to mask the nervousness and caution beneath it. "What do you mean?"
Surprised, Xia Li asked, "Why?"
At the end of the day, the one who chose this was him.
Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled, to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's father—as in, Lu Yan's grandfather—was an old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression and aid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit of freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.
After he said those words, Xiao Ning himself was surprised at just how cold his tone was as he did. It was unlike him, simply unlike his usual self.
Xia Li's mouth fell open. He never really expected Xiao Ning to simply admit it, nor decline to do anything to throw off his suspicion.
Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting."
After saying that, he paused for a while, looking away before he added, "Also... don't tell him about how many partners I had before."
As he said all this, his gaze turned downwards while a smile found its way onto his face. This smile of his was so gentle, and filled with so much emotion, that seeing such a look on Lu Yan's face was simply a rare sight behold. It was such a marvel to the point where it pricked at Xiao Ning's eyes. Lu Yan then continued, "Did you know, that he wasn't even into guys before being with me either?"
Xia Li sputtered out a laugh, saying, "I'm so jealous! I always wanted to have a classmate always with me like that. You two must get along pretty well, right?"
Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting."
Lu Yan only pretends to be good at home, so him coming out? Well, Grandpa Lu can kill Lu Yan before he has a heart attack as a result.
"Different?" After asking this, Xiao Ning wore a faint smile, one to mask the nervousness and caution beneath it. "What do you mean?"
What right do I have to hate him anyhow?
"No, I didn't." Xiao Ning stated bluntly, then asked, "So what?"
However, upon seeing the younger man's shocked expression, the pain Xiao Ning felt quickly morphed, and his mood had become a lot better. Constraint and concealment were already inseparable parts of his disposition, but he never once knew how pleasant it had felt to make someone else all choked up. Next time, he has to make it a note he should learn well from Shan Haiming.
But life really is something else, it seems. Who would've thought this person, of all people, would be the first to know about his sexuality?
Not waiting for Xiao Ning to reply, he then murmured, "You even have a key to his place."
Xiao Ning wanted to reach his arms out to clutch his chest, his thoughts drifting to that time when he was alone at the playground in a daze until the kid version of Lu Yan ran over to him and asked: "We're short one person, wanna come play?"
"There's no way I'd wait on him hand and foot." Xia Li chuckled a bit, "But for some reason, Lu Yan won't talk about you. I asked him once, but he refused to say anything."
It was far too early for them to begin shopping, so Lu Yan dropped them off on a commercial street before heading to his company to make the final preparations for the business meeting he had that afternoon. After he left, Xiao Ning dazedly took Xia Li to a Starbucks and ordered them two cups of coffee.
But, as usual, Lu Yan didn't notice it at all. He had only ever paid attention to his own emotions and not others, with him further adding, "I don't know how to explain it, you know? It's just... I feel kind of responsible."
After he said those words, Xiao Ning himself was surprised at just how cold his tone was as he did. It was unlike him, simply unlike his usual self.
At the end of the day, the one who chose this was him.
Those words of Xiao Ning's were however regretted before they finished passing his lips. His well-kept secret was just completely exposed. Now fraught with emotion, he felt a tremor erupting throughout his body.
"Like you said before, he is my friend." Xiao Ning however didn't mention that Lu Yan's love affairs with men were no different than his playing with anything he found interesting, let alone mentioning that regardless of whether he was being serious or not, just being seen by those two old folks of the Lu Yan household was already failing the test.
But, as usual, Lu Yan didn't notice it at all. He had only ever paid attention to his own emotions and not others, with him further adding, "I don't know how to explain it, you know? It's just... I feel kind of responsible."
When Xiao Ning paid the bill, Xia Li was a bit embarrassed, as he wanted to be the one to pay.
Xiao Ning couldn't put his finger on exactly why his thoughts were so messed up now of all times, and all he wanted to do was go find somewhere nice and quiet to gain some solace. But, sadly, he still had to accompany Lu Yan's boyfriend.
"Well, it's not that he refused to say, it's that he's just too lazy to say anything." Xiao Ning let out a laugh despite himself, taking another sip of his coffee even though his throat still somehow felt dry. Enduring it, he continued by saying, "You two are the ones in love, so what are you doing talking about me?"
N/A
Xia Li, despite being a bit shy when it came to getting along with strangers, overall, had a disposition that was cheerful. So, in that shop, clutching the large cup of coffee in his hands, he was the one who initiated a conversation with Xiao Ning. His three-month internship at the advertising company, along with his just finishing college, were all things he managed to bring up in his chat. These topics made Xiao Ning recall his own days as a student and even managed to coax him into saying a few words in return as well.
All of a sudden at that moment, Xiao Ning felt he was getting old. Or to be more precise, that he was becoming tired. Always doing things on his own that no one knows of that just seems to be a never-ending cycle of struggle with not one trace of hope to be found. All of it made him practically drained to his core.
Xiao Ning never expected Lu Yan to use this word, then he heard the man continue, "In the beginning, I thought it was because you believed homosexuality was disgusting or something."
The words he spoke were exceedingly doubtful, and Xiao Ning's lips finally found themselves parting, revealing on his face a full smile. "I seriously never expected you to still be this pure and simple. Is this kind of like a virgin complex or whatever?"
Xiao Ning wanted to reach his arms out to clutch his chest, his thoughts drifting to that time when he was alone at the playground in a daze until the kid version of Lu Yan ran over to him and asked: "We're short one person, wanna come play?"
"Um..." Xiao Ning thought about it seriously, honestly replying, "I think... I may like men."
After saying that, he paused for a while, looking away before he added, "Also... don't tell him about how many partners I had before."
Xiao Ning left those straying thoughts aside, even though he didn't know what to do on the old Lu's side of things, Lu Yan had said he was quite serious about Xia Li.
Xia Li, despite being a bit shy when it came to getting along with strangers, overall, had a disposition that was cheerful. So, in that shop, clutching the large cup of coffee in his hands, he was the one who initiated a conversation with Xiao Ning. His three-month internship at the advertising company, along with his just finishing college, were all things he managed to bring up in his chat. These topics made Xiao Ning recall his own days as a student and even managed to coax him into saying a few words in return as well.
But life really is something else, it seems. Who would've thought this person, of all people, would be the first to know about his sexuality?
However, upon seeing the younger man's shocked expression, the pain Xiao Ning felt quickly morphed, and his mood had become a lot better. Constraint and concealment were already inseparable parts of his disposition, but he never once knew how pleasant it had felt to make someone else all choked up. Next time, he has to make it a note he should learn well from Shan Haiming.
"Xiao Ning?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you."
"So uh... you and Lu Yan were classmates in university, right?" Xia Li asked with great interest, causing Xiao Ning to promptly swallow the hot bitter liquid in his mouth with a nod. "I've been classmates with Lu Yan since primary school, actually."
Until Now
Xiao Ning straightened the corners of his lips, slowly turning to face Lu Yan, "I'm just trying to ask you if you're really serious, Lu Yan. Are you really sure?"
Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled, to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's father—as in, Lu Yan's grandfather—was an old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression and aid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit of freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.
What about this should I be happy about?
After he said that, he seemed to realise what he had said, proceeding to stick out his tongue before wearing a smile all innocent and embarrassed-like as he corrected, "I didn't really mean anything else by that, though."
—Your life is the result of your own choices.
Xiao Ning stopped talking right then, feeling he shouldn't open his mouth any further without first steadying his tone. "Then what you're saying is that you are serious about Xia Li? How long has it even been since the two of you met?"
"So you're just afraid of trouble?" Lu Yan didn't know why but, just then, he let out a smile, "But my trouble isn't something you can avoid, so you just better give up trying to already."
Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting."
"So uh... you and Lu Yan were classmates in university, right?" Xia Li asked with great interest, causing Xiao Ning to promptly swallow the hot bitter liquid in his mouth with a nod. "I've been classmates with Lu Yan since primary school, actually."
"Let's not talk about me." Xiao Ning quickly changed the topic, "Actually, this is the first time I've ever participated in one of your romantic affairs, Lu Yan."
"So you're just afraid of trouble?" Lu Yan didn't know why but, just then, he let out a smile, "But my trouble isn't something you can avoid, so you just better give up trying to already."
"What does this, and how long it's been since we've met, have to do with each other" Lu Yan's bad temper came out as he retorted, "Besides, he and I knew each other for a while now through the online game."
"Different?" After asking this, Xiao Ning wore a faint smile, one to mask the nervousness and caution beneath it. "What do you mean?"
Meanwhile, Lu Yan answered his phone, "Hey, wait at the gate for a bit, we're coming right now." After hanging up he turned to anxiously to urge Xiao Ning, "I don't care if you're on your period or whatever this is, but I'm warning you, Xiao Ning, don't give Xia Li any attitude later."
Hearing his words, Xiao Ning's body stiffened, but only slightly, as he recalled Lu Yan's earlier warning. Even he, himself, had no clue how much effort it took for him to restrain his breathing, but having done so, and after appearing to shrug his shoulders effortlessly, he replied, saying, "It's just because he has a really bad memory, and there are times when he forgets his keys. Anyhow, I really am a good person, you know? I won't do something like emptying his house when he's not there one day, so I've just been using the spare key he puts under the mat."
But, as usual, Lu Yan didn't notice it at all. He had only ever paid attention to his own emotions and not others, with him further adding, "I don't know how to explain it, you know? It's just... I feel kind of responsible."
But then he also suddenly remembered Shan Haiming. That guy's personality was so straightforward, yet he still had to find someone to pretend to be his non-existent boyfriend. Nevertheless, with regard to some things he also had some scruples.
Xiao Ning gripped his seatbelt, it felt as though the warmth from when Lu Yan had just leant over was still there. He tried a few times, but still couldn't manage to put on a smile, going on to continue: "Are you serious? Are you actually kidding me right now? How can you be serious about a man? Just who is it are you serious about?"
"Let's not talk about me." Xiao Ning quickly changed the topic, "Actually, this is the first time I've ever participated in one of your romantic affairs, Lu Yan."
Those words were already a curse, and hearing them, Lu Yan's face darkened, "Xiao Ning? Do you really mean that? Do you seriously mean that? And I'm telling you if you say yes, I'm gonna kick your ass."
It was far too early for them to begin shopping, so Lu Yan dropped them off on a commercial street before heading to his company to make the final preparations for the business meeting he had that afternoon. After he left, Xiao Ning dazedly took Xia Li to a Starbucks and ordered them two cups of coffee.
"Well, it's not that he refused to say, it's that he's just too lazy to say anything." Xiao Ning let out a laugh despite himself, taking another sip of his coffee even though his throat still somehow felt dry. Enduring it, he continued by saying, "You two are the ones in love, so what are you doing talking about me?"
Xiao Ning couldn't put his finger on exactly why his thoughts were so messed up now of all times, and all he wanted to do was go find somewhere nice and quiet to gain some solace. But, sadly, he still had to accompany Lu Yan's boyfriend.
What about this should I be happy about?
Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?"
Xia Li sputtered out a laugh, saying, "I'm so jealous! I always wanted to have a classmate always with me like that. You two must get along pretty well, right?"
"No, I didn't." Xiao Ning stated bluntly, then asked, "So what?"
Xiao Ning straightened the corners of his lips, slowly turning to face Lu Yan, "I'm just trying to ask you if you're really serious, Lu Yan. Are you really sure?"
Was I also like this once?
Happy?
"Well, it's not that he refused to say, it's that he's just too lazy to say anything." Xiao Ning let out a laugh despite himself, taking another sip of his coffee even though his throat still somehow felt dry. Enduring it, he continued by saying, "You two are the ones in love, so what are you doing talking about me?"
Meanwhile, Lu Yan answered his phone, "Hey, wait at the gate for a bit, we're coming right now." After hanging up he turned to anxiously to urge Xiao Ning, "I don't care if you're on your period or whatever this is, but I'm warning you, Xiao Ning, don't give Xia Li any attitude later."
But life really is something else, it seems. Who would've thought this person, of all people, would be the first to know about his sexuality?
Lu Yan stared at him as if he didn't know the person he was looking at, unable to hold back his laughter, "If I keep talking to you I'll never be able to understand the word 'serious' again. Xiao Ning, what's going on right now? Yes, I know that I fell in and out of love really fast in the past. But, even if you thought I wasn't such a respectable person before, right now, I think I am quite serious. So shouldn't you of all people be happy for me?"
In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy.
"Ah, Lu Yan has lived as a young master since he was a child, and I spent my life being an errand boy for the likes of him. It's just that I'm just used to it, that's all." After saying this, Xiao Ning took a sip of his coffee, unable to taste any of the flavours. "Besides, I think I'll be free from doing so in the future."
No, definitely not.
Happy?
Xiao Ning gripped his seatbelt, it felt as though the warmth from when Lu Yan had just leant over was still there. He tried a few times, but still couldn't manage to put on a smile, going on to continue: "Are you serious? Are you actually kidding me right now? How can you be serious about a man? Just who is it are you serious about?"
Xiao Ning never expected Lu Yan to use this word, then he heard the man continue, "In the beginning, I thought it was because you believed homosexuality was disgusting or something."
He thought of the time back in university, when Lu Yan was so popular a group of students couldn't stand him, and the two of them got jumped by a group of five or six guys quite older than them both. They even had to go to the hospital after the incident. There, while Lu Yan was lying on the bed, he burst out into laughter, saying: "Why are you a bigger nag than my mother? Take care of yourself first, your entire face is all scratched up and swollen."
What about this should I be happy about?
N/A
"What does this, and how long it's been since we've met, have to do with each other" Lu Yan's bad temper came out as he retorted, "Besides, he and I knew each other for a while now through the online game."
Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting."
Xiao Ning wanted to reach his arms out to clutch his chest, his thoughts drifting to that time when he was alone at the playground in a daze until the kid version of Lu Yan ran over to him and asked: "We're short one person, wanna come play?"
"Hmph." Lu Yan took back his hand. "That's because you always run off to go hide somewhere far away."
The words he spoke were exceedingly doubtful, and Xiao Ning's lips finally found themselves parting, revealing on his face a full smile. "I seriously never expected you to still be this pure and simple. Is this kind of like a virgin complex or whatever?"
...
He then thought of the time when he sprained his foot trying to kick a ball and Lu Yan took him to the infirmary and said: "You're really interesting, I'll cover for you from now on."
It was just so strange to him, as Xiao Ning seemed to have found a secret comrade-in-arms. So, as a result of these thoughts running through his mind, he suddenly broke out into a smile, the sight of which made Xia Li simply stunned.
He truly held no hateful feelings towards Xia Li.
Was I also like this once?
He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly telling him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"
Xia Li's mouth fell open. He never really expected Xiao Ning to simply admit it, nor decline to do anything to throw off his suspicion.
Lu Yan didn't reply to him, however, only holding onto the staring heel as he stared at the ceiling for a while.
Xiao Ning straightened the corners of his lips, slowly turning to face Lu Yan, "I'm just trying to ask you if you're really serious, Lu Yan. Are you really sure?"
However, upon seeing the younger man's shocked expression, the pain Xiao Ning felt quickly morphed, and his mood had become a lot better. Constraint and concealment were already inseparable parts of his disposition, but he never once knew how pleasant it had felt to make someone else all choked up. Next time, he has to make it a note he should learn well from Shan Haiming.
But, as usual, Lu Yan didn't notice it at all. He had only ever paid attention to his own emotions and not others, with him further adding, "I don't know how to explain it, you know? It's just... I feel kind of responsible."
He thought of the time back in university, when Lu Yan was so popular a group of students couldn't stand him, and the two of them got jumped by a group of five or six guys quite older than them both. They even had to go to the hospital after the incident. There, while Lu Yan was lying on the bed, he burst out into laughter, saying: "Why are you a bigger nag than my mother? Take care of yourself first, your entire face is all scratched up and swollen."
"Um..." Xiao Ning thought about it seriously, honestly replying, "I think... I may like men."
He thought of the time back in university, when Lu Yan was so popular a group of students couldn't stand him, and the two of them got jumped by a group of five or six guys quite older than them both. They even had to go to the hospital after the incident. There, while Lu Yan was lying on the bed, he burst out into laughter, saying: "Why are you a bigger nag than my mother? Take care of yourself first, your entire face is all scratched up and swollen."
Lu Yan didn't reply to him, however, only holding onto the staring heel as he stared at the ceiling for a while.
"No, uh... it's just... I just think the relationship between the two of you is really good. But one day I went into another bedroom, and the clothes inside it didn't look like Lu Yan's." Xia Li's lips were drawn into a smile, the meaning behind it was profound, but he didn't actually want Xiao Ning to answer that question at all. So, in addition, he asked, "How long has it been since Lu Yan realised he was..."
No, definitely not.
...
After he said those words, Xiao Ning himself was surprised at just how cold his tone was as he did. It was unlike him, simply unlike his usual self.
Xiao Ning wanted to reach his arms out to clutch his chest, his thoughts drifting to that time when he was alone at the playground in a daze until the kid version of Lu Yan ran over to him and asked: "We're short one person, wanna come play?"
Happy?
"Well, it's not that he refused to say, it's that he's just too lazy to say anything." Xiao Ning let out a laugh despite himself, taking another sip of his coffee even though his throat still somehow felt dry. Enduring it, he continued by saying, "You two are the ones in love, so what are you doing talking about me?"
N/A
In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy.
No, definitely not.
It's... already been this long, huh?
Hide?
When Xiao Ning paid the bill, Xia Li was a bit embarrassed, as he wanted to be the one to pay.
"Um..." Xiao Ning thought about it seriously, honestly replying, "I think... I may like men."
"There's no way I'd wait on him hand and foot." Xia Li chuckled a bit, "But for some reason, Lu Yan won't talk about you. I asked him once, but he refused to say anything."
Xiao Ning stopped talking right then, feeling he shouldn't open his mouth any further without first steadying his tone. "Then what you're saying is that you are serious about Xia Li? How long has it even been since the two of you met?"
Meanwhile, Lu Yan answered his phone, "Hey, wait at the gate for a bit, we're coming right now." After hanging up he turned to anxiously to urge Xiao Ning, "I don't care if you're on your period or whatever this is, but I'm warning you, Xiao Ning, don't give Xia Li any attitude later."
Xiao Ning straightened the corners of his lips, slowly turning to face Lu Yan, "I'm just trying to ask you if you're really serious, Lu Yan. Are you really sure?"
After saying that, he paused for a while, looking away before he added, "Also... don't tell him about how many partners I had before."
Lu Yan only pretends to be good at home, so him coming out? Well, Grandpa Lu can kill Lu Yan before he has a heart attack as a result.
Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.
At the end of the day, the one who chose this was him.
"No, I didn't." Xiao Ning stated bluntly, then asked, "So what?"
When Xiao Ning paid the bill, Xia Li was a bit embarrassed, as he wanted to be the one to pay.
Seeing the childlike happiness radiating from the side view he had of Lu Yan's face, made Xiao Ning feel as though there was a hole in his stomach, a hole where something was missing. But, thankfully, the morning breeze had kept blowing through the open window beside him, and for a while, it seemed to have cooled everything down.
After he said that, he seemed to realise what he had said, proceeding to stick out his tongue before wearing a smile all innocent and embarrassed-like as he corrected, "I didn't really mean anything else by that, though."
Xiao Ning never expected Lu Yan to use this word, then he heard the man continue, "In the beginning, I thought it was because you believed homosexuality was disgusting or something."
But life really is something else, it seems. Who would've thought this person, of all people, would be the first to know about his sexuality?
Xiao Ning gripped his seatbelt, it felt as though the warmth from when Lu Yan had just leant over was still there. He tried a few times, but still couldn't manage to put on a smile, going on to continue: "Are you serious? Are you actually kidding me right now? How can you be serious about a man? Just who is it are you serious about?"
"No, I didn't." Xiao Ning stated bluntly, then asked, "So what?"
—Your life is the result of your own choices.
The words he spoke were exceedingly doubtful, and Xiao Ning's lips finally found themselves parting, revealing on his face a full smile. "I seriously never expected you to still be this pure and simple. Is this kind of like a virgin complex or whatever?"
Xia Li's mouth fell open. He never really expected Xiao Ning to simply admit it, nor decline to do anything to throw off his suspicion.
"Huh?" Lu Yan regained his senses, a knit forming between his brows. It was as if there was something he couldn't figure out. "Xiao'Ning, I'm going to be honest with you. I think that Xia Li is different."
Xia Li's mouth fell open. He never really expected Xiao Ning to simply admit it, nor decline to do anything to throw off his suspicion.
N/A
At the end of the day, the one who chose this was him.
He truly held no hateful feelings towards Xia Li.
It was he who chose to not do anything. It was he who chose to keep his mouth shut. All so he could instead simply stand on the sidelines, and from there, watch everything unfold.
Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.
After saying that, he paused for a while, looking away before he added, "Also... don't tell him about how many partners I had before."
But life really is something else, it seems. Who would've thought this person, of all people, would be the first to know about his sexuality?
"So uh... you and Lu Yan were classmates in university, right?" Xia Li asked with great interest, causing Xiao Ning to promptly swallow the hot bitter liquid in his mouth with a nod. "I've been classmates with Lu Yan since primary school, actually."
"You really are a good person." Xia Li sighed, adding, "If it were me, I wouldn't have the extra time to go get breakfast for someone else so early."
Yes, this is how it was.
Deep down he didn't think there was merit in showing off how close his relationship to Lu Yan actually was since he was never a show off to begin with. So the only thing he felt was pain from the distress and frustration from the embarrassment, as it made it seem as though he had taken something he had no right to take, and he should decide to return it. "After we graduated from university, he told me he got a boyfriend for the first time. Xia Li, the truth is that I'm just staying with Lu Yan temporarily. It's only because he saw that I wasn't making as much money as him, so he gave me a room in which to stay rent-free out of the goodness of his heart. That's all there is to it. This right now, is a special situation, because usually when Lu Yan starts dating, I don't have any contact with him unless it's regarding something important."
◈◇◈
Xiao Ning gripped his seatbelt, it felt as though the warmth from when Lu Yan had just leant over was still there. He tried a few times, but still couldn't manage to put on a smile, going on to continue: "Are you serious? Are you actually kidding me right now? How can you be serious about a man? Just who is it are you serious about?"
Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.
◈◇◈
◈◇◈
Xiao Ning couldn't put his finger on exactly why his thoughts were so messed up now of all times, and all he wanted to do was go find somewhere nice and quiet to gain some solace. But, sadly, he still had to accompany Lu Yan's boyfriend.
All of a sudden at that moment, Xiao Ning felt he was getting old. Or to be more precise, that he was becoming tired. Always doing things on his own that no one knows of that just seems to be a never-ending cycle of struggle with not one trace of hope to be found. All of it made him practically drained to his core.
Those words were already a curse, and hearing them, Lu Yan's face darkened, "Xiao Ning? Do you really mean that? Do you seriously mean that? And I'm telling you if you say yes, I'm gonna kick your ass."
Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.
Deep down he didn't think there was merit in showing off how close his relationship to Lu Yan actually was since he was never a show off to begin with. So the only thing he felt was pain from the distress and frustration from the embarrassment, as it made it seem as though he had taken something he had no right to take, and he should decide to return it. "After we graduated from university, he told me he got a boyfriend for the first time. Xia Li, the truth is that I'm just staying with Lu Yan temporarily. It's only because he saw that I wasn't making as much money as him, so he gave me a room in which to stay rent-free out of the goodness of his heart. That's all there is to it. This right now, is a special situation, because usually when Lu Yan starts dating, I don't have any contact with him unless it's regarding something important."
This moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan's unclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.
Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.
"Because when he's enamoured he forgets all about his friends." Xiao Ning smiled playfully, feeling his face stiffen somewhat yet he continued, "Truthfully, though, Lu Yan prefers his private time with his partner, and I'm quite aware of this fact."
It was far too early for them to begin shopping, so Lu Yan dropped them off on a commercial street before heading to his company to make the final preparations for the business meeting he had that afternoon. After he left, Xiao Ning dazedly took Xia Li to a Starbucks and ordered them two cups of coffee.
Until Now
It's... already been this long, huh?
Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?"
When Xiao Ning paid the bill, Xia Li was a bit embarrassed, as he wanted to be the one to pay.
"Because when he's enamoured he forgets all about his friends." Xiao Ning smiled playfully, feeling his face stiffen somewhat yet he continued, "Truthfully, though, Lu Yan prefers his private time with his partner, and I'm quite aware of this fact."
"Just help yourself. You came to A-City to enjoy yourself, right? So I'll do my best to be a good host." Xiao Ning had composed himself by then, smiling as he asked him to go find them a place to sit, then made his way upstairs with the two lattes when they were ready.
"He really is too much." Xia Li now wore a smile. His gaze aimed at Xiao Ning showing traces of suspicion, seeming as though he was assessing whether Xiao Ning was telling the truth or lies. He also appeared to be wondering if Xiao Ning and Lu Yan were having an affair and even went on to ponder if Xiao Ning could just bear it if Lu Yan was actually treating him like this. "Then you are very open-minded. You're even okay knowing your friend is gay."
Xiao Ning never expected Lu Yan to use this word, then he heard the man continue, "In the beginning, I thought it was because you believed homosexuality was disgusting or something."
...
Xia Li, despite being a bit shy when it came to getting along with strangers, overall, had a disposition that was cheerful. So, in that shop, clutching the large cup of coffee in his hands, he was the one who initiated a conversation with Xiao Ning. His three-month internship at the advertising company, along with his just finishing college, were all things he managed to bring up in his chat. These topics made Xiao Ning recall his own days as a student and even managed to coax him into saying a few words in return as well.
He truly held no hateful feelings towards Xia Li.
Xiao Ning never expected Lu Yan to use this word, then he heard the man continue, "In the beginning, I thought it was because you believed homosexuality was disgusting or something."
This moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan's unclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.
He truly held no hateful feelings towards Xia Li.
It was he who chose to not do anything. It was he who chose to keep his mouth shut. All so he could instead simply stand on the sidelines, and from there, watch everything unfold.
N/A
He then thought of the time when he sprained his foot trying to kick a ball and Lu Yan took him to the infirmary and said: "You're really interesting, I'll cover for you from now on."
What right do I have to hate him anyhow?
When all is said and done, Xia Li was young, so there was so much pureness in his eyes. Furthermore, when the light leaked into them, they seemed to be ignited, making them appear very beautiful as they shined. Maybe this is what Lu Yan is so fond of with this boy.
At his question, Xiao Ning held onto the cup in his hand firmly, his gaze then moving to focus on Xiao Li's. Xia Li's eyes glanced away in avoidance at first but immediately came back to meet his own very seriously, his persistence clear.
"Like you said before, he is my friend." Xiao Ning however didn't mention that Lu Yan's love affairs with men were no different than his playing with anything he found interesting, let alone mentioning that regardless of whether he was being serious or not, just being seen by those two old folks of the Lu Yan household was already failing the test.
"Hmph." Lu Yan took back his hand. "That's because you always run off to go hide somewhere far away."
—Your life is the result of your own choices.
Until Now
Lu Yan didn't reply to him, however, only holding onto the staring heel as he stared at the ceiling for a while.
Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.
"Um..." Xiao Ning thought about it seriously, honestly replying, "I think... I may like men."
Deep down he wanted to ask bitterly, like those female characters in romance novels: "What the hell is it that Lu Yan likes about you!"
Deep down he wanted to ask bitterly, like those female characters in romance novels: "What the hell is it that Lu Yan likes about you!"
Xia Li, despite being a bit shy when it came to getting along with strangers, overall, had a disposition that was cheerful. So, in that shop, clutching the large cup of coffee in his hands, he was the one who initiated a conversation with Xiao Ning. His three-month internship at the advertising company, along with his just finishing college, were all things he managed to bring up in his chat. These topics made Xiao Ning recall his own days as a student and even managed to coax him into saying a few words in return as well.
Xiao Ning gulped, correcting him: "N-no, of course not, I just didn't want to be a third wheel."
Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting."
Xiao Ning gulped, correcting him: "N-no, of course not, I just didn't want to be a third wheel."
"No, uh... it's just... I just think the relationship between the two of you is really good. But one day I went into another bedroom, and the clothes inside it didn't look like Lu Yan's." Xia Li's lips were drawn into a smile, the meaning behind it was profound, but he didn't actually want Xiao Ning to answer that question at all. So, in addition, he asked, "How long has it been since Lu Yan realised he was..."
But life really is something else, it seems. Who would've thought this person, of all people, would be the first to know about his sexuality?
"So uh... you and Lu Yan were classmates in university, right?" Xia Li asked with great interest, causing Xiao Ning to promptly swallow the hot bitter liquid in his mouth with a nod. "I've been classmates with Lu Yan since primary school, actually."
Yes, this is how it was.
Xiao Ning straightened the corners of his lips, slowly turning to face Lu Yan, "I'm just trying to ask you if you're really serious, Lu Yan. Are you really sure?"
At the end of the day, the one who chose this was him.
After saying this, he feigned a sigh, then continued, "An ill-fated relationship, it is."
"Xiao Ning?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you."
Yes, this is how it was.
Xia Li, despite being a bit shy when it came to getting along with strangers, overall, had a disposition that was cheerful. So, in that shop, clutching the large cup of coffee in his hands, he was the one who initiated a conversation with Xiao Ning. His three-month internship at the advertising company, along with his just finishing college, were all things he managed to bring up in his chat. These topics made Xiao Ning recall his own days as a student and even managed to coax him into saying a few words in return as well.
Was I also like this once?
"Xiao Ning?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you."
Xia Li sputtered out a laugh, saying, "I'm so jealous! I always wanted to have a classmate always with me like that. You two must get along pretty well, right?"
"You really are a good person." Xia Li sighed, adding, "If it were me, I wouldn't have the extra time to go get breakfast for someone else so early."
Xia Li's mouth fell open. He never really expected Xiao Ning to simply admit it, nor decline to do anything to throw off his suspicion.
Those words of Xiao Ning's were however regretted before they finished passing his lips. His well-kept secret was just completely exposed. Now fraught with emotion, he felt a tremor erupting throughout his body.
Not waiting for Xiao Ning to reply, he then murmured, "You even have a key to his place."
Hide?
Not waiting for Xiao Ning to reply, he then murmured, "You even have a key to his place."
"There's no way I'd wait on him hand and foot." Xia Li chuckled a bit, "But for some reason, Lu Yan won't talk about you. I asked him once, but he refused to say anything."
Hearing his words, Xiao Ning's body stiffened, but only slightly, as he recalled Lu Yan's earlier warning. Even he, himself, had no clue how much effort it took for him to restrain his breathing, but having done so, and after appearing to shrug his shoulders effortlessly, he replied, saying, "It's just because he has a really bad memory, and there are times when he forgets his keys. Anyhow, I really am a good person, you know? I won't do something like emptying his house when he's not there one day, so I've just been using the spare key he puts under the mat."
iana: him smiling while thinking about Shan Haiming is adorable.
"Alright. I was indebted to you in my last life it seems." Xiao Ning then teased, "But don't you realise, with how fast you change partners, I'm afraid I might call someone the wrong name by accident and cause you a troublesome scene? By the way, how long will this one last anyhow? I at least want to prepare my heart."
Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.
After he said that, he seemed to realise what he had said, proceeding to stick out his tongue before wearing a smile all innocent and embarrassed-like as he corrected, "I didn't really mean anything else by that, though."
"Like you said before, he is my friend." Xiao Ning however didn't mention that Lu Yan's love affairs with men were no different than his playing with anything he found interesting, let alone mentioning that regardless of whether he was being serious or not, just being seen by those two old folks of the Lu Yan household was already failing the test.
Those words of Xiao Ning's were however regretted before they finished passing his lips. His well-kept secret was just completely exposed. Now fraught with emotion, he felt a tremor erupting throughout his body.
"There's no way I'd wait on him hand and foot." Xia Li chuckled a bit, "But for some reason, Lu Yan won't talk about you. I asked him once, but he refused to say anything."
What about this should I be happy about?
"But doesn't it make you feel uncomfortable?" Xia Li seemed to be struggling with this issue, always circling back to it in his queries. "Oh, what I mean is, do you like girls, perhaps?"
Hearing his words, Xiao Ning's body stiffened, but only slightly, as he recalled Lu Yan's earlier warning. Even he, himself, had no clue how much effort it took for him to restrain his breathing, but having done so, and after appearing to shrug his shoulders effortlessly, he replied, saying, "It's just because he has a really bad memory, and there are times when he forgets his keys. Anyhow, I really am a good person, you know? I won't do something like emptying his house when he's not there one day, so I've just been using the spare key he puts under the mat."
"Just help yourself. You came to A-City to enjoy yourself, right? So I'll do my best to be a good host." Xiao Ning had composed himself by then, smiling as he asked him to go find them a place to sit, then made his way upstairs with the two lattes when they were ready.
Not waiting for Xiao Ning to reply, he then murmured, "You even have a key to his place."
"There's no way I'd wait on him hand and foot." Xia Li chuckled a bit, "But for some reason, Lu Yan won't talk about you. I asked him once, but he refused to say anything."
Lu Yan only pretends to be good at home, so him coming out? Well, Grandpa Lu can kill Lu Yan before he has a heart attack as a result.
However, upon seeing the younger man's shocked expression, the pain Xiao Ning felt quickly morphed, and his mood had become a lot better. Constraint and concealment were already inseparable parts of his disposition, but he never once knew how pleasant it had felt to make someone else all choked up. Next time, he has to make it a note he should learn well from Shan Haiming.
"You really are a good person." Xia Li sighed, adding, "If it were me, I wouldn't have the extra time to go get breakfast for someone else so early."
Those words of Xiao Ning's were however regretted before they finished passing his lips. His well-kept secret was just completely exposed. Now fraught with emotion, he felt a tremor erupting throughout his body.
"Let's not talk about me." Xiao Ning quickly changed the topic, "Actually, this is the first time I've ever participated in one of your romantic affairs, Lu Yan."
Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.
Xia Li sputtered out a laugh, saying, "I'm so jealous! I always wanted to have a classmate always with me like that. You two must get along pretty well, right?"
He then thought of the time when he sprained his foot trying to kick a ball and Lu Yan took him to the infirmary and said: "You're really interesting, I'll cover for you from now on."
Xiao Ning stopped talking right then, feeling he shouldn't open his mouth any further without first steadying his tone. "Then what you're saying is that you are serious about Xia Li? How long has it even been since the two of you met?"
Deep down he didn't think there was merit in showing off how close his relationship to Lu Yan actually was since he was never a show off to begin with. So the only thing he felt was pain from the distress and frustration from the embarrassment, as it made it seem as though he had taken something he had no right to take, and he should decide to return it. "After we graduated from university, he told me he got a boyfriend for the first time. Xia Li, the truth is that I'm just staying with Lu Yan temporarily. It's only because he saw that I wasn't making as much money as him, so he gave me a room in which to stay rent-free out of the goodness of his heart. That's all there is to it. This right now, is a special situation, because usually when Lu Yan starts dating, I don't have any contact with him unless it's regarding something important."
"Ah, Lu Yan has lived as a young master since he was a child, and I spent my life being an errand boy for the likes of him. It's just that I'm just used to it, that's all." After saying this, Xiao Ning took a sip of his coffee, unable to taste any of the flavours. "Besides, I think I'll be free from doing so in the future."
Hearing his words, Xiao Ning's body stiffened, but only slightly, as he recalled Lu Yan's earlier warning. Even he, himself, had no clue how much effort it took for him to restrain his breathing, but having done so, and after appearing to shrug his shoulders effortlessly, he replied, saying, "It's just because he has a really bad memory, and there are times when he forgets his keys. Anyhow, I really am a good person, you know? I won't do something like emptying his house when he's not there one day, so I've just been using the spare key he puts under the mat."
"So uh... you and Lu Yan were classmates in university, right?" Xia Li asked with great interest, causing Xiao Ning to promptly swallow the hot bitter liquid in his mouth with a nod. "I've been classmates with Lu Yan since primary school, actually."
"Alright. I was indebted to you in my last life it seems." Xiao Ning then teased, "But don't you realise, with how fast you change partners, I'm afraid I might call someone the wrong name by accident and cause you a troublesome scene? By the way, how long will this one last anyhow? I at least want to prepare my heart."
Meanwhile, Lu Yan answered his phone, "Hey, wait at the gate for a bit, we're coming right now." After hanging up he turned to anxiously to urge Xiao Ning, "I don't care if you're on your period or whatever this is, but I'm warning you, Xiao Ning, don't give Xia Li any attitude later."
Seeing the childlike happiness radiating from the side view he had of Lu Yan's face, made Xiao Ning feel as though there was a hole in his stomach, a hole where something was missing. But, thankfully, the morning breeze had kept blowing through the open window beside him, and for a while, it seemed to have cooled everything down.
"There's no way I'd wait on him hand and foot." Xia Li chuckled a bit, "But for some reason, Lu Yan won't talk about you. I asked him once, but he refused to say anything."
Not waiting for Xiao Ning to reply, he then murmured, "You even have a key to his place."
"Well, it's not that he refused to say, it's that he's just too lazy to say anything." Xiao Ning let out a laugh despite himself, taking another sip of his coffee even though his throat still somehow felt dry. Enduring it, he continued by saying, "You two are the ones in love, so what are you doing talking about me?"
Xiao Ning never expected Lu Yan to use this word, then he heard the man continue, "In the beginning, I thought it was because you believed homosexuality was disgusting or something."
He truly held no hateful feelings towards Xia Li.
But life really is something else, it seems. Who would've thought this person, of all people, would be the first to know about his sexuality?
He truly held no hateful feelings towards Xia Li.
He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly telling him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"
"No, uh... it's just... I just think the relationship between the two of you is really good. But one day I went into another bedroom, and the clothes inside it didn't look like Lu Yan's." Xia Li's lips were drawn into a smile, the meaning behind it was profound, but he didn't actually want Xiao Ning to answer that question at all. So, in addition, he asked, "How long has it been since Lu Yan realised he was..."
Xiao Ning couldn't put his finger on exactly why his thoughts were so messed up now of all times, and all he wanted to do was go find somewhere nice and quiet to gain some solace. But, sadly, he still had to accompany Lu Yan's boyfriend.
This moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan's unclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.
"But doesn't it make you feel uncomfortable?" Xia Li seemed to be struggling with this issue, always circling back to it in his queries. "Oh, what I mean is, do you like girls, perhaps?"
"There's no way I'd wait on him hand and foot." Xia Li chuckled a bit, "But for some reason, Lu Yan won't talk about you. I asked him once, but he refused to say anything."
After saying this, he feigned a sigh, then continued, "An ill-fated relationship, it is."
Deep down he didn't think there was merit in showing off how close his relationship to Lu Yan actually was since he was never a show off to begin with. So the only thing he felt was pain from the distress and frustration from the embarrassment, as it made it seem as though he had taken something he had no right to take, and he should decide to return it. "After we graduated from university, he told me he got a boyfriend for the first time. Xia Li, the truth is that I'm just staying with Lu Yan temporarily. It's only because he saw that I wasn't making as much money as him, so he gave me a room in which to stay rent-free out of the goodness of his heart. That's all there is to it. This right now, is a special situation, because usually when Lu Yan starts dating, I don't have any contact with him unless it's regarding something important."
—Your life is the result of your own choices.
Yes, this is how it was.
Lu Yan only pretends to be good at home, so him coming out? Well, Grandpa Lu can kill Lu Yan before he has a heart attack as a result.
Surprised, Xia Li asked, "Why?"
"Alright. I was indebted to you in my last life it seems." Xiao Ning then teased, "But don't you realise, with how fast you change partners, I'm afraid I might call someone the wrong name by accident and cause you a troublesome scene? By the way, how long will this one last anyhow? I at least want to prepare my heart."
After he said that, he seemed to realise what he had said, proceeding to stick out his tongue before wearing a smile all innocent and embarrassed-like as he corrected, "I didn't really mean anything else by that, though."
Not waiting for Xiao Ning to reply, he then murmured, "You even have a key to his place."
"Because when he's enamoured he forgets all about his friends." Xiao Ning smiled playfully, feeling his face stiffen somewhat yet he continued, "Truthfully, though, Lu Yan prefers his private time with his partner, and I'm quite aware of this fact."
He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly telling him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"
"No, uh... it's just... I just think the relationship between the two of you is really good. But one day I went into another bedroom, and the clothes inside it didn't look like Lu Yan's." Xia Li's lips were drawn into a smile, the meaning behind it was profound, but he didn't actually want Xiao Ning to answer that question at all. So, in addition, he asked, "How long has it been since Lu Yan realised he was..."
But, as usual, Lu Yan didn't notice it at all. He had only ever paid attention to his own emotions and not others, with him further adding, "I don't know how to explain it, you know? It's just... I feel kind of responsible."
"He really is too much." Xia Li now wore a smile. His gaze aimed at Xiao Ning showing traces of suspicion, seeming as though he was assessing whether Xiao Ning was telling the truth or lies. He also appeared to be wondering if Xiao Ning and Lu Yan were having an affair and even went on to ponder if Xiao Ning could just bear it if Lu Yan was actually treating him like this. "Then you are very open-minded. You're even okay knowing your friend is gay."
At his question, Xiao Ning held onto the cup in his hand firmly, his gaze then moving to focus on Xiao Li's. Xia Li's eyes glanced away in avoidance at first but immediately came back to meet his own very seriously, his persistence clear.
"Like you said before, he is my friend." Xiao Ning however didn't mention that Lu Yan's love affairs with men were no different than his playing with anything he found interesting, let alone mentioning that regardless of whether he was being serious or not, just being seen by those two old folks of the Lu Yan household was already failing the test.
"What does this, and how long it's been since we've met, have to do with each other" Lu Yan's bad temper came out as he retorted, "Besides, he and I knew each other for a while now through the online game."
Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled, to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's father—as in, Lu Yan's grandfather—was an old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression and aid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit of freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.
...
Xiao Ning gulped, correcting him: "N-no, of course not, I just didn't want to be a third wheel."
Not waiting for Xiao Ning to reply, he then murmured, "You even have a key to his place."
But, as usual, Lu Yan didn't notice it at all. He had only ever paid attention to his own emotions and not others, with him further adding, "I don't know how to explain it, you know? It's just... I feel kind of responsible."
He then thought of the time when he sprained his foot trying to kick a ball and Lu Yan took him to the infirmary and said: "You're really interesting, I'll cover for you from now on."
Xiao Ning stopped talking right then, feeling he shouldn't open his mouth any further without first steadying his tone. "Then what you're saying is that you are serious about Xia Li? How long has it even been since the two of you met?"
This moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan's unclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.
Lu Yan only pretends to be good at home, so him coming out? Well, Grandpa Lu can kill Lu Yan before he has a heart attack as a result.
What about this should I be happy about?
Xiao Ning left those straying thoughts aside, even though he didn't know what to do on the old Lu's side of things, Lu Yan had said he was quite serious about Xia Li.
Meanwhile, Lu Yan answered his phone, "Hey, wait at the gate for a bit, we're coming right now." After hanging up he turned to anxiously to urge Xiao Ning, "I don't care if you're on your period or whatever this is, but I'm warning you, Xiao Ning, don't give Xia Li any attitude later."
After saying that, he paused for a while, looking away before he added, "Also... don't tell him about how many partners I had before."
At his question, Xiao Ning held onto the cup in his hand firmly, his gaze then moving to focus on Xiao Li's. Xia Li's eyes glanced away in avoidance at first but immediately came back to meet his own very seriously, his persistence clear.
"But doesn't it make you feel uncomfortable?" Xia Li seemed to be struggling with this issue, always circling back to it in his queries. "Oh, what I mean is, do you like girls, perhaps?"
Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting."
"Because when he's enamoured he forgets all about his friends." Xiao Ning smiled playfully, feeling his face stiffen somewhat yet he continued, "Truthfully, though, Lu Yan prefers his private time with his partner, and I'm quite aware of this fact."
Xiao Ning wanted to reach his arms out to clutch his chest, his thoughts drifting to that time when he was alone at the playground in a daze until the kid version of Lu Yan ran over to him and asked: "We're short one person, wanna come play?"
It was just so strange to him, as Xiao Ning seemed to have found a secret comrade-in-arms. So, as a result of these thoughts running through his mind, he suddenly broke out into a smile, the sight of which made Xia Li simply stunned.
Seeing the childlike happiness radiating from the side view he had of Lu Yan's face, made Xiao Ning feel as though there was a hole in his stomach, a hole where something was missing. But, thankfully, the morning breeze had kept blowing through the open window beside him, and for a while, it seemed to have cooled everything down.
Xiao Ning gulped, correcting him: "N-no, of course not, I just didn't want to be a third wheel."
After he said those words, Xiao Ning himself was surprised at just how cold his tone was as he did. It was unlike him, simply unlike his usual self.
At his question, Xiao Ning held onto the cup in his hand firmly, his gaze then moving to focus on Xiao Li's. Xia Li's eyes glanced away in avoidance at first but immediately came back to meet his own very seriously, his persistence clear.
No, definitely not.
iana: him smiling while thinking about Shan Haiming is adorable.
Was I also like this once?
What could he do now? Say he has a girlfriend, perhaps? But where could he find a close female friend? All he had was a ready-made boyfriend. For the sake of not making Lu Yan's lover feel complicated towards him, he ended up causing trouble to Lu Yan. So now Xiao Ning had no choice but to restrain his careful nature, doing what he must to clear up this present situation.
"Um..." Xiao Ning thought about it seriously, honestly replying, "I think... I may like men."
Xiao Ning never expected Lu Yan to use this word, then he heard the man continue, "In the beginning, I thought it was because you believed homosexuality was disgusting or something."
"Huh?" Lu Yan regained his senses, a knit forming between his brows. It was as if there was something he couldn't figure out. "Xiao'Ning, I'm going to be honest with you. I think that Xia Li is different."
When all is said and done, Xia Li was young, so there was so much pureness in his eyes. Furthermore, when the light leaked into them, they seemed to be ignited, making them appear very beautiful as they shined. Maybe this is what Lu Yan is so fond of with this boy.
Xia Li, despite being a bit shy when it came to getting along with strangers, overall, had a disposition that was cheerful. So, in that shop, clutching the large cup of coffee in his hands, he was the one who initiated a conversation with Xiao Ning. His three-month internship at the advertising company, along with his just finishing college, were all things he managed to bring up in his chat. These topics made Xiao Ning recall his own days as a student and even managed to coax him into saying a few words in return as well.
Was I also like this once?
Seeing the childlike happiness radiating from the side view he had of Lu Yan's face, made Xiao Ning feel as though there was a hole in his stomach, a hole where something was missing. But, thankfully, the morning breeze had kept blowing through the open window beside him, and for a while, it seemed to have cooled everything down.
No, definitely not.
He thought of the time back in university, when Lu Yan was so popular a group of students couldn't stand him, and the two of them got jumped by a group of five or six guys quite older than them both. They even had to go to the hospital after the incident. There, while Lu Yan was lying on the bed, he burst out into laughter, saying: "Why are you a bigger nag than my mother? Take care of yourself first, your entire face is all scratched up and swollen."
Xiao Ning gulped, correcting him: "N-no, of course not, I just didn't want to be a third wheel."
"So you're just afraid of trouble?" Lu Yan didn't know why but, just then, he let out a smile, "But my trouble isn't something you can avoid, so you just better give up trying to already."
All of a sudden at that moment, Xiao Ning felt he was getting old. Or to be more precise, that he was becoming tired. Always doing things on his own that no one knows of that just seems to be a never-ending cycle of struggle with not one trace of hope to be found. All of it made him practically drained to his core.
"I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone."
The words he spoke were exceedingly doubtful, and Xiao Ning's lips finally found themselves parting, revealing on his face a full smile. "I seriously never expected you to still be this pure and simple. Is this kind of like a virgin complex or whatever?"
Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting."
"He really is too much." Xia Li now wore a smile. His gaze aimed at Xiao Ning showing traces of suspicion, seeming as though he was assessing whether Xiao Ning was telling the truth or lies. He also appeared to be wondering if Xiao Ning and Lu Yan were having an affair and even went on to ponder if Xiao Ning could just bear it if Lu Yan was actually treating him like this. "Then you are very open-minded. You're even okay knowing your friend is gay."
Xia Li's mouth fell open. He never really expected Xiao Ning to simply admit it, nor decline to do anything to throw off his suspicion.
After he said those words, Xiao Ning himself was surprised at just how cold his tone was as he did. It was unlike him, simply unlike his usual self.
"Xiao Ning?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you."
But then he also suddenly remembered Shan Haiming. That guy's personality was so straightforward, yet he still had to find someone to pretend to be his non-existent boyfriend. Nevertheless, with regard to some things he also had some scruples.
"No, uh... it's just... I just think the relationship between the two of you is really good. But one day I went into another bedroom, and the clothes inside it didn't look like Lu Yan's." Xia Li's lips were drawn into a smile, the meaning behind it was profound, but he didn't actually want Xiao Ning to answer that question at all. So, in addition, he asked, "How long has it been since Lu Yan realised he was..."
Not waiting for Xiao Ning to reply, he then murmured, "You even have a key to his place."
Deep down he didn't think there was merit in showing off how close his relationship to Lu Yan actually was since he was never a show off to begin with. So the only thing he felt was pain from the distress and frustration from the embarrassment, as it made it seem as though he had taken something he had no right to take, and he should decide to return it. "After we graduated from university, he told me he got a boyfriend for the first time. Xia Li, the truth is that I'm just staying with Lu Yan temporarily. It's only because he saw that I wasn't making as much money as him, so he gave me a room in which to stay rent-free out of the goodness of his heart. That's all there is to it. This right now, is a special situation, because usually when Lu Yan starts dating, I don't have any contact with him unless it's regarding something important."
"He really is too much." Xia Li now wore a smile. His gaze aimed at Xiao Ning showing traces of suspicion, seeming as though he was assessing whether Xiao Ning was telling the truth or lies. He also appeared to be wondering if Xiao Ning and Lu Yan were having an affair and even went on to ponder if Xiao Ning could just bear it if Lu Yan was actually treating him like this. "Then you are very open-minded. You're even okay knowing your friend is gay."
When Xiao Ning paid the bill, Xia Li was a bit embarrassed, as he wanted to be the one to pay.
Those words of Xiao Ning's were however regretted before they finished passing his lips. His well-kept secret was just completely exposed. Now fraught with emotion, he felt a tremor erupting throughout his body.
Those words were already a curse, and hearing them, Lu Yan's face darkened, "Xiao Ning? Do you really mean that? Do you seriously mean that? And I'm telling you if you say yes, I'm gonna kick your ass."
In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy.
Happy?
Xiao Ning left those straying thoughts aside, even though he didn't know what to do on the old Lu's side of things, Lu Yan had said he was quite serious about Xia Li.
Xiao Ning gulped, correcting him: "N-no, of course not, I just didn't want to be a third wheel."
Hearing his words, Xiao Ning's body stiffened, but only slightly, as he recalled Lu Yan's earlier warning. Even he, himself, had no clue how much effort it took for him to restrain his breathing, but having done so, and after appearing to shrug his shoulders effortlessly, he replied, saying, "It's just because he has a really bad memory, and there are times when he forgets his keys. Anyhow, I really am a good person, you know? I won't do something like emptying his house when he's not there one day, so I've just been using the spare key he puts under the mat."
Those words were already a curse, and hearing them, Lu Yan's face darkened, "Xiao Ning? Do you really mean that? Do you seriously mean that? And I'm telling you if you say yes, I'm gonna kick your ass."
N/A
Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.
It was just so strange to him, as Xiao Ning seemed to have found a secret comrade-in-arms. So, as a result of these thoughts running through his mind, he suddenly broke out into a smile, the sight of which made Xia Li simply stunned.
"Huh?" Lu Yan regained his senses, a knit forming between his brows. It was as if there was something he couldn't figure out. "Xiao'Ning, I'm going to be honest with you. I think that Xia Li is different."
When Xiao Ning paid the bill, Xia Li was a bit embarrassed, as he wanted to be the one to pay.
After he said those words, Xiao Ning himself was surprised at just how cold his tone was as he did. It was unlike him, simply unlike his usual self.
"Um..." Xiao Ning thought about it seriously, honestly replying, "I think... I may like men."
What right do I have to hate him anyhow?
He truly held no hateful feelings towards Xia Li.
Xiao Ning stopped talking right then, feeling he shouldn't open his mouth any further without first steadying his tone. "Then what you're saying is that you are serious about Xia Li? How long has it even been since the two of you met?"
It was far too early for them to begin shopping, so Lu Yan dropped them off on a commercial street before heading to his company to make the final preparations for the business meeting he had that afternoon. After he left, Xiao Ning dazedly took Xia Li to a Starbucks and ordered them two cups of coffee.
Xiao Ning wanted to reach his arms out to clutch his chest, his thoughts drifting to that time when he was alone at the playground in a daze until the kid version of Lu Yan ran over to him and asked: "We're short one person, wanna come play?"
Xiao Ning wanted to reach his arms out to clutch his chest, his thoughts drifting to that time when he was alone at the playground in a daze until the kid version of Lu Yan ran over to him and asked: "We're short one person, wanna come play?"
Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?"
Those words of Xiao Ning's were however regretted before they finished passing his lips. His well-kept secret was just completely exposed. Now fraught with emotion, he felt a tremor erupting throughout his body.
"Well, it's not that he refused to say, it's that he's just too lazy to say anything." Xiao Ning let out a laugh despite himself, taking another sip of his coffee even though his throat still somehow felt dry. Enduring it, he continued by saying, "You two are the ones in love, so what are you doing talking about me?"
What could he do now? Say he has a girlfriend, perhaps? But where could he find a close female friend? All he had was a ready-made boyfriend. For the sake of not making Lu Yan's lover feel complicated towards him, he ended up causing trouble to Lu Yan. So now Xiao Ning had no choice but to restrain his careful nature, doing what he must to clear up this present situation.
But then he also suddenly remembered Shan Haiming. That guy's personality was so straightforward, yet he still had to find someone to pretend to be his non-existent boyfriend. Nevertheless, with regard to some things he also had some scruples.
He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly telling him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"
What could he do now? Say he has a girlfriend, perhaps? But where could he find a close female friend? All he had was a ready-made boyfriend. For the sake of not making Lu Yan's lover feel complicated towards him, he ended up causing trouble to Lu Yan. So now Xiao Ning had no choice but to restrain his careful nature, doing what he must to clear up this present situation.
Xiao Ning left those straying thoughts aside, even though he didn't know what to do on the old Lu's side of things, Lu Yan had said he was quite serious about Xia Li.
All of a sudden at that moment, Xiao Ning felt he was getting old. Or to be more precise, that he was becoming tired. Always doing things on his own that no one knows of that just seems to be a never-ending cycle of struggle with not one trace of hope to be found. All of it made him practically drained to his core.
After saying that, he paused for a while, looking away before he added, "Also... don't tell him about how many partners I had before."
"What does this, and how long it's been since we've met, have to do with each other" Lu Yan's bad temper came out as he retorted, "Besides, he and I knew each other for a while now through the online game."
But life really is something else, it seems. Who would've thought this person, of all people, would be the first to know about his sexuality?
"No, I didn't." Xiao Ning stated bluntly, then asked, "So what?"
Xia Li's mouth fell open. He never really expected Xiao Ning to simply admit it, nor decline to do anything to throw off his suspicion.
"Ah, Lu Yan has lived as a young master since he was a child, and I spent my life being an errand boy for the likes of him. It's just that I'm just used to it, that's all." After saying this, Xiao Ning took a sip of his coffee, unable to taste any of the flavours. "Besides, I think I'll be free from doing so in the future."
Was I also like this once?
"Just help yourself. You came to A-City to enjoy yourself, right? So I'll do my best to be a good host." Xiao Ning had composed himself by then, smiling as he asked him to go find them a place to sit, then made his way upstairs with the two lattes when they were ready.
Hide?
The words he spoke were exceedingly doubtful, and Xiao Ning's lips finally found themselves parting, revealing on his face a full smile. "I seriously never expected you to still be this pure and simple. Is this kind of like a virgin complex or whatever?"
"I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone."
Surprised, Xia Li asked, "Why?"
However, upon seeing the younger man's shocked expression, the pain Xiao Ning felt quickly morphed, and his mood had become a lot better. Constraint and concealment were already inseparable parts of his disposition, but he never once knew how pleasant it had felt to make someone else all choked up. Next time, he has to make it a note he should learn well from Shan Haiming.
Xiao Ning left those straying thoughts aside, even though he didn't know what to do on the old Lu's side of things, Lu Yan had said he was quite serious about Xia Li.
After saying that, he paused for a while, looking away before he added, "Also... don't tell him about how many partners I had before."
But then he also suddenly remembered Shan Haiming. That guy's personality was so straightforward, yet he still had to find someone to pretend to be his non-existent boyfriend. Nevertheless, with regard to some things he also had some scruples.
"I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone."
◈◇◈
He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly telling him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"
"Um..." Xiao Ning thought about it seriously, honestly replying, "I think... I may like men."
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