The Long Road Ahead: C29

Apology

This novel was posted on cntranslations [dot] com, by anasiana. If you're not reading it there, you get what you get ￣へ￣)

The next morning, Xiao Ning was awakened by the sound of his doorbell. Xiaohei didn't sleep in his nest, choosing to lie at the bottom end of Xiao Ning's bed to sleep. So upon being woken up by its owner, Xiaohei ignored Xiao Ning, shifting to another spot before curling back into a ball and again falling asleep.

T/n: Just for clarification, Shan Haiming was upset with how self-deprecatingly Xiao Ning spoke of himself, not Xiao Ning himself. []

Not being able to sleep well last night, Xiao Ning groggily climbed out of bed, his stamina still yet to recover as he pulled on his slippers and went to open the door. "Who is it?"

After washing up, Xiao Ning fixed Xiaohei its cat food and a fresh set of water, then walked over to the other side of the kitchen with his face as usual. He wasn't planning on bringing up that matter with Shan Haiming again, anyhow, not wanting what had happened to cause them discomfort and friction.

Last night, we were on bad terms, were we not?

This strange feeling lingered with Xiao Ning for the rest of the day, until, that is, he saw Lu Yan standing at the entrance of his company.

Packing the bowls in the cupboard, Xiao Ning used a towel to dry his hands. "That kind of feeling is honestly rather terrifying. I don't want to ever go through it again. But after all these years, I haven't made any progress at all. I... I really am quite weakT/N: the word used here also expresses incompetence T_T."

Xiao Ning laughed, not mentioning the filial respect he was giving had been for another person's parents.

When the door opened, Shan Haiming's grand form stood there, seeming refreshed and relaxed as he said, "I came to boil noodles."

But Xiao Ning thought they were exaggerating too much. His natural body temperature leaned on the colder side, so even if it was the height of summer, as long as he didn't expose himself to the direct heat of the blazing sun for a long time or partake in any intense physical activities, his skin would always remain cool. So the weather now was the kind where wearing two thin shirts was still doable.

"It's too much trouble, so I usually go out to eat." Xiao Ning lowered his head to eat a bite of noodles, and also scooped up a poached egg, taking a bite. It was also soft-boiled. Xiao Ning was never fond of eating raw or half-cooked things—including eggs. So his brows crinkled as he thought about how my bites it would take for him to eat it. But just as he was a few seconds into his hesitation, Shan Haiming reached out his soup spoon and said, "Give it to me."

"...noodles?" Xiao Ning's face was a blank slate, the cogs in his brain struggling to turn. "Boil noodles?"

◈◇◈

"Chicken soup, and boiled noodles." Shan Haiming pronounced each word slowly as he stared at Xiao Ning's sleepy and haze-covered face, his hand then reaching out to pinch the drowsy man's cheeks. "Breakfast."

"Ow..." Xiao Ning didn't even remember how to dodge, his slowly returning reactions prompting him to unconsciously nod. "Okay..."

"...noodles?" Xiao Ning's face was a blank slate, the cogs in his brain struggling to turn. "Boil noodles?"

But Shan Haiming simply stated, "If the person is shorter than me, I don't."

In all honesty, he rarely lost his temper in front of others, yet he has done so to Shan Haiming twice.

Apology

Xiao Ning laughed, a carefree laugh. This guy, at this point, is acting quite childish, isn't he? "And I said that it was fine, it's alright."

"It doesn't matter if he doesn't have the time, if you have the time just come over." Wu Yi chuckled. "Relax, alright. Yisong and I are very easy to get along with."

Wu Yi really does regard me as a daughter-in-law, doesn't she...

Shan Haiming entered first, and only then did Xiao Ning's senses fully return.

Leaning on the frame of the kitchen door, Shan Haiming looked at Xiao Ning as he did the dishes. "I'm sorry."

Shan Haiming hummed in response. "I got used to it in the few years I spent out of the country. Whenever I eat too many things outside, they all start to taste the same. So if I have any ingredients, it was better for me to just casually toss together whatever."

Would I have to stick around until Shan Haiming found a real partner so that cheap brother of his doesn't act up again?

A bit irritated at this answer of his, Xiao Ning looked at Shan Haiming's shoulder, briefly making an estimation before seriously asking, "But you're not that much taller than me, are you?"

Turning back around, he rinsed the suds off the bowls until they were clean. "The way I like someone is rather strange, so that's why you would see it like that and treat it that way."

The temperature was a few degrees higher that day, and the scent of summer lingering in the air was even more pronounced. Because of the number of computers in the office, someone had already proposed for the air-conditioners to be turned on.

Last night, we were on bad terms, were we not?

This made Xiao Ning upset. It would be a lie to say Xiao Ning didn't have a knot in his heart because of the things Shan Haiming had said to him. He didn't understand the situation completely at all, yet he went on to make such excessively judgemental statements. It honestly made Xiao Ning unable to stand it. Isn't it just too much to pretend nothing had happened?

This question reminded Xiao Ning there was a short holiday approaching.

"I saw that." Shan Haiming then asked, "Are you sick?"

This guy never concerns himself with the things other people are usually concerned over, anyhow. Xiao Ning picked up a chopstick of noodles. "Do you normally make your breakfast at home?"

In the end, all parents were essentially the same. Xiao Ning had been replying to Lu Anguo and Chen Shuyun for so long that when facing Wu Yi he thought that no matter how much of a beauty she was, or how she was the Mrs. Shan, at the end of the day, she was still just Shan Haiming's mother, so it wouldn't be too difficult. "I'll ask him when I get home, but I don't know if he has any plans at work."

But... that guy, why is that guy acting as though nothing had happened?

His embrace was short and light, while earnestly transmitting the strength and warmth that was unique to those who are young, the kind of youthful spirit of closeness and friendliness that was so infectious it even left Xiao Ning in a daze. At once, all the ashes in his heart were blown away, and for a moment, the entire sky was filled with dust.

That Second Young Master Shan never gave a person the time to prepare their heart by giving them a heads up. It was a sentence that had practically dropped out from the sky, and one that made Xiao Ning's hands pause before the the shock he received made him turn his head to look at Shan Haiming and ask, "What?"

Seeing his seriously calculating face, Shan Haiming couldn't stop the laugh from finally escaping him. Reaching out, he pulled Xiao Ning by the shoulders into his arms and led him out the door. "It's time for us to head to work now."

"Ow..." Xiao Ning didn't even remember how to dodge, his slowly returning reactions prompting him to unconsciously nod. "Okay..."

Turning back around, he rinsed the suds off the bowls until they were clean. "The way I like someone is rather strange, so that's why you would see it like that and treat it that way."

Xiao Ning remained silent, he had thought about bringing up the matter earlier, but he never expected Shan Haiming to formally apologise. But instead of feeling angry, what he felt more than anything was sadness, as well as loss. "It's fine. Actually... what you said wasn't entirely wrong either."

Not being able to sleep well last night, Xiao Ning groggily climbed out of bed, his stamina still yet to recover as he pulled on his slippers and went to open the door. "Who is it?"

Watching him lower his head to eat, the cloud of unhappiness left in Xiao Ning's heart from the prior night gradually dispersed.

Leaning on the frame of the kitchen door, Shan Haiming looked at Xiao Ning as he did the dishes. "I'm sorry."

Would I have to stick around until Shan Haiming found a real partner so that cheap brother of his doesn't act up again?

Taking a bowl of soup that had a few vegetables floating on top of it, Xiao Ning swallowed back his saliva. "Why didn't you call me to come make it?"

Leaning on the frame of the kitchen door, Shan Haiming looked at Xiao Ning as he did the dishes. "I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter if he doesn't have the time, if you have the time just come over." Wu Yi chuckled. "Relax, alright. Yisong and I are very easy to get along with."

But these indignant thoughts only surfaced, and nothing more. Thinking about all the things Shan Haiming had done for him without saying a word, things that were no small matter, Xiao Ning felt as though those kinds of uncomfortable feelings were nothing in comparison. When someone was kind to him, he had the easiest time not losing his temper. What happened last night was already a special case.

With these tangled thoughts in mind, Xiao Ning ate his noodles until the bowl was cleaned, then volunteered himself to do the dishes. There was still half an hour before it was nine o'clock, and the distance from his place and Rihua was close, so he still had time to spare.

In all honesty, he rarely lost his temper in front of others, yet he has done so to Shan Haiming twice.

There was a phrase passed around that perfectly described this situation: I like you, but I don't want anything to do with you.T/n: You could also think of it as an I like you, but I don't want a relationship with you. It describes a "pure love" or a crush where an actual relationship isn't the aim.

Xiao Ning laughed, a carefree laugh. This guy, at this point, is acting quite childish, isn't he? "And I said that it was fine, it's alright."

Once in a while, but only once in a while, Xiao Ning would be curious, curious about where in this world that mother, whose appearance he could barely remember, could be. Does she even remember the son she tossed over to relatives to care for?

Shan Haiming entered first, and only then did Xiao Ning's senses fully return.

The entire room was filled with the fragrant aroma of the chicken soup, and as an extreme early morning glutton, Xiao Ning walked over to the dining table and sat down. Shan Haiming was already eating.

N/A

But it was only curiosity and nothing more.

"Oh my. Xiao Ning-ah." Wu Yi giggled like a girl on the other end of the line. "You're usually quite shy, but you still mustn't let yourself be bullied to death by Haiming."

Every other thought that had occupied Xiao Ning's mind was tossed aside in that moment, and only one had filled every gap in his mind: Why did he come here?

Taking a bowl of soup that had a few vegetables floating on top of it, Xiao Ning swallowed back his saliva. "Why didn't you call me to come make it?"

Last night, we were on bad terms, were we not?

Xiao Ning also gained a new insight, when Shan Haiming said "casually toss together whatever," he really did possess only average skills. Even with this bowl of noodles, the deliciousness was still because of the leftover soup added. Could the only dish Shan Haiming is quite proficient at be making squirrel-tailed fish?

This guy never concerns himself with the things other people are usually concerned over, anyhow. Xiao Ning picked up a chopstick of noodles. "Do you normally make your breakfast at home?"

This strange feeling lingered with Xiao Ning for the rest of the day, until, that is, he saw Lu Yan standing at the entrance of his company.

Wu Yi really does regard me as a daughter-in-law, doesn't she...

"If I waited for you to come cook it, we'd run out of time." Shan Haiming blew a cooling breath, then slurped up some noodles. "Do you not usually eat breakfast at home?"

"Oh my. Xiao Ning-ah." Wu Yi giggled like a girl on the other end of the line. "You're usually quite shy, but you still mustn't let yourself be bullied to death by Haiming."

"I saw that." Shan Haiming then asked, "Are you sick?"

"But I already bit into it..." Xiao Ning said surprised.

This question reminded Xiao Ning there was a short holiday approaching.

A bit irritated at this answer of his, Xiao Ning looked at Shan Haiming's shoulder, briefly making an estimation before seriously asking, "But you're not that much taller than me, are you?"

"I saw that." Shan Haiming then asked, "Are you sick?"

"For the things I said to you last night." Even when he apologises, Shan Haiming is frank. "When I got back last night, I thought it over for a while and I realised I was being too one-sided."

Xiao Ning: "..."

Xiao Ning shook his head.

Apology

"It doesn't matter if he doesn't have the time, if you have the time just come over." Wu Yi chuckled. "Relax, alright. Yisong and I are very easy to get along with."

T/n: Just for clarification, Shan Haiming was upset with how self-deprecatingly Xiao Ning spoke of himself, not Xiao Ning himself. []

Apology

This guy never concerns himself with the things other people are usually concerned over, anyhow. Xiao Ning picked up a chopstick of noodles. "Do you normally make your breakfast at home?"

Turning back around, he rinsed the suds off the bowls until they were clean. "The way I like someone is rather strange, so that's why you would see it like that and treat it that way."

This question reminded Xiao Ning there was a short holiday approaching.

Shan Haiming then took the poached egg up with his spoon.

Xiao Ning laughed, not mentioning the filial respect he was giving had been for another person's parents.

Would I have to stick around until Shan Haiming found a real partner so that cheap brother of his doesn't act up again?

Last night, we were on bad terms, were we not?

Watching him lower his head to eat, the cloud of unhappiness left in Xiao Ning's heart from the prior night gradually dispersed.

Shan Haiming then took the poached egg up with his spoon.

This guy never concerns himself with the things other people are usually concerned over, anyhow. Xiao Ning picked up a chopstick of noodles. "Do you normally make your breakfast at home?"

"I was planning to take a trip back to my home town." When there were any breaks, Xiao Ning's first thought was to head back to visit Lu Anguo and Chen Shuyun. But it was obvious the two elders had the most hopes in having their son return for a visit. Xiao Ning had no control over Lu Yan, so all he could do was offer his portion of filial piety towards them. "There are two elders in the family."

Last night, we were on bad terms, were we not?

This guy never concerns himself with the things other people are usually concerned over, anyhow. Xiao Ning picked up a chopstick of noodles. "Do you normally make your breakfast at home?"

"You really are..." Xiao Ning's mouth moved, his eyes carefully, and straightforwardly, locking on to Shan Haiming's, "...too perfunctory."

"But I already bit into it..." Xiao Ning said surprised.

Leaning on the frame of the kitchen door, Shan Haiming looked at Xiao Ning as he did the dishes. "I'm sorry."

"Our team wants to go somewhere together, so would you like to come along?" Possibly thanks to Xiao Ning, their sales group members had gotten along quite well with one another, never fighting each other over sales to get commissions, so they weren't just colleagues, but also friends.

In all honesty, he rarely lost his temper in front of others, yet he has done so to Shan Haiming twice.

This guy never concerns himself with the things other people are usually concerned over, anyhow. Xiao Ning picked up a chopstick of noodles. "Do you normally make your breakfast at home?"

Leaning on the frame of the kitchen door, Shan Haiming looked at Xiao Ning as he did the dishes. "I'm sorry."

The warm weather made the employees a bit more carefree, and Chen He approached Xiao Ning and asked, "Xiao-ge, are you planning to go anywhere on May DayT/N: May 1st, is International Workers Day or Labour Day?"

But Shan Haiming simply stated, "If the person is shorter than me, I don't."

Xiao Ning: "..."

A bit irritated at this answer of his, Xiao Ning looked at Shan Haiming's shoulder, briefly making an estimation before seriously asking, "But you're not that much taller than me, are you?"

Shan Haiming then took the poached egg up with his spoon.

"...noodles?" Xiao Ning's face was a blank slate, the cogs in his brain struggling to turn. "Boil noodles?"

In all honesty, he rarely lost his temper in front of others, yet he has done so to Shan Haiming twice.

Shan Haiming stared at Xiao Ning's lips which were curled and neatly pressed into a sincere smile, his eyebrow lifting.

Xiao Ning shook his head.

Not being able to sleep well last night, Xiao Ning groggily climbed out of bed, his stamina still yet to recover as he pulled on his slippers and went to open the door. "Who is it?"

"For the things I said to you last night." Even when he apologises, Shan Haiming is frank. "When I got back last night, I thought it over for a while and I realised I was being too one-sided."

"If I waited for you to come cook it, we'd run out of time." Shan Haiming blew a cooling breath, then slurped up some noodles. "Do you not usually eat breakfast at home?"

Xiao Ning: "..."

But... that guy, why is that guy acting as though nothing had happened?

T/n: Just for clarification, Shan Haiming was upset with how self-deprecatingly Xiao Ning spoke of himself, not Xiao Ning himself. []

Filial piety coming first was a reason no one could refute, so Chen He no longer asked him. "Alright then, I'll go tell the others. And Xiao-ge, you're such a filial son."

Turning back around, he rinsed the suds off the bowls until they were clean. "The way I like someone is rather strange, so that's why you would see it like that and treat it that way."

Taking a bowl of soup that had a few vegetables floating on top of it, Xiao Ning swallowed back his saliva. "Why didn't you call me to come make it?"

Shan Haiming stared at Xiao Ning's lips which were curled and neatly pressed into a sincere smile, his eyebrow lifting.

Perhaps, even from the start, Xiao Ning never truly wanted to be a Lu Yan's match.

For a long time, he stared at Xiao Ning with a complicated expression, the thoughts running through as he did were unclear. He then walked over to Xiao Ning and hugged him, the way a good friend would, and after releasing him, he ruffled Xiao Ning's hair and said, "Alright, alright. Do you want me to praise you? Liking someone for such a long time is an accomplishment. You're quite awesome, indeed."

N/A

Xiao Ning laughed, not mentioning the filial respect he was giving had been for another person's parents.

"Ow..." Xiao Ning didn't even remember how to dodge, his slowly returning reactions prompting him to unconsciously nod. "Okay..."

But it was only curiosity and nothing more.

This question reminded Xiao Ning there was a short holiday approaching.

To himself, Xiao Ning let out a laugh. "What I feared most of all wasn't that Lu Yan would like other people or even marry someone else, but that he wouldn't pay attention to me. He was the only person I was the closest to since I was little, and I invested far too much into being at his side. It was just like you said: a fantasy. What's more, with all the energy and years I spent, if he ignores me, I'd feel as if I'd return to that time when no one existed who could actually see me."

Shan Haiming entered first, and only then did Xiao Ning's senses fully return.

"But I already bit into it..." Xiao Ning said surprised.

Shan Haiming looked at him, his expression not at all pleased. "I already said I'm sorry."

Xiao Ning: "..."

Last night, we were on bad terms, were we not?

But... that guy, why is that guy acting as though nothing had happened?

Shan Haiming looked at him, his expression not at all pleased. "I already said I'm sorry."

In the afternoon, Wu Yi gave Xiao Ning a call. She first asked them if they ate the chicken noodle soup for breakfast, then she mentioned that given the hot weather they should eat duck stewT/N: In Traditional Chinese Medicine certain foods are categorised as being hot or cool, having a heating or cooling effect on your body. Duck is cooling food. to repair their health. Then following all this, she later asked if they were coming over for dinner that weekend; stressing that Shan Yisong had nothing against the idea.

Xiao Ning: "..."

"I saw that." Shan Haiming then asked, "Are you sick?"

Xiao Ning honestly didn't feel there was anyone in the Shan family who was easy to get along with. Their personalities are far too distinct—too bright; and the issues in their family are far too obvious. Even the harmony in their family was the result of precise calculations. And any outsider entering this kind of balanced, peaceful facade would find themselves quite uncomfortable. "Haiming should have the free time."

Wu Yi's enthusiasm made Xiao Ning feel as though he was riding a tiger—leaving him no easy way to climb off. It seemed as though the Shan family had accepted Shan Haiming's sexuality, responding quite well. Shan Haihong was also satisfied. So the only issue that was left was when he would retire after his successful performance.

Xiao Ning laughed, a carefree laugh. This guy, at this point, is acting quite childish, isn't he? "And I said that it was fine, it's alright."

Last night, we were on bad terms, were we not?

"It doesn't matter if he doesn't have the time, if you have the time just come over." Wu Yi chuckled. "Relax, alright. Yisong and I are very easy to get along with."

"Don't say that." Shan Haiming sighed, seeming a bit agitated. "Since I admitted that I made a mistake, there's no need for you to say those things about yourself again."

Watching him lower his head to eat, the cloud of unhappiness left in Xiao Ning's heart from the prior night gradually dispersed.

Xiao Ning shook his head.

"Don't say that." Shan Haiming sighed, seeming a bit agitated. "Since I admitted that I made a mistake, there's no need for you to say those things about yourself again."

Perhaps, even from the start, Xiao Ning never truly wanted to be a Lu Yan's match.

But... that guy, why is that guy acting as though nothing had happened?

Xiao Ning: "..."

"You really are..." Xiao Ning's mouth moved, his eyes carefully, and straightforwardly, locking on to Shan Haiming's, "...too perfunctory."

But Shan Haiming simply stated, "If the person is shorter than me, I don't."

"Don't say that." Shan Haiming sighed, seeming a bit agitated. "Since I admitted that I made a mistake, there's no need for you to say those things about yourself again."

Shan Haiming stared at Xiao Ning's lips which were curled and neatly pressed into a sincere smile, his eyebrow lifting.

Xiao Ning laughed, a carefree laugh. This guy, at this point, is acting quite childish, isn't he? "And I said that it was fine, it's alright."

Leaning on the frame of the kitchen door, Shan Haiming looked at Xiao Ning as he did the dishes. "I'm sorry."

Xiao Ning felt a bit closer to Shan Haiming again, so he couldn't help from adding, "What's more, there's something I've been wanting to say to you for a while now. It's happened several times already, but you do know I'm older than you, right? Doesn't it weigh on your conscienceT/n: He's trying to imply Shan Haiming should feel bad for treating a senior like a junior when you rub my head like that?"