The Long Road Ahead: C39

Chapter: 39 | First

• Previous
• Next
• ToC

First

---

This novel was posted on cntranslations [dot] com, by anasiana. If you're not reading it there, you get what you get ￣へ￣)

_N/A
While Shan Haiming played around with Xiao Ning's palms, he asked the man before him, "What're you thinking about?"

N/A

_{Looking at the time, Xiao Ning prepared a mental draft in his mind before calling Shan Haiming. "Hi, Haiming, are you busy?"}Those words were something Xiao Ning never expected to hear in his dreams, and, at present, an explosive symphony went off in his mind in succession. It was utter chaos. It was impossible. How could it be? How could this be happening?

Looking at the time, Xiao Ning prepared a mental draft in his mind before calling Shan Haiming. "Hi, Haiming, are you busy?"

_{This was the first boyfriend he had ever had—in his entire life.}After their call ended, he thought for a while about meeting Shan Haiming and felt himself become quite uneasy.

This was the first boyfriend he had ever had—in his entire life.

_{"I like you." Shan Haiming tapped the table. "So right now, please remember it well that you just treated me like some crazy person who would sleep with someone that he doesn't like. I don't have that kind of energy."}"Can you bring me a pen?" Shan Haiming asked.

"I like you." Shan Haiming tapped the table. "So right now, please remember it well that you just treated me like some crazy person who would sleep with someone that he doesn't like. I don't have that kind of energy."

_{"You're so difficult to serve." Shan Haiming's tone showed displeasure as he raised his voice, "Waiter."}
Under the shadow of his bangs and Shan Haiming's palms, Xiao Ning's slightly tired brows had a delicate kind of prettiness, a sort of meekness. "I was just wondering how long it'll be until the take-out arrives."

"You're so difficult to serve." Shan Haiming's tone showed displeasure as he raised his voice, "Waiter."

_{Shan Haiming frowned, seeming as if there was something he wanted to say, but in the end, he had said nothing instead.}
"You hungry?" Shan Haiming leaned over to kiss him. It was a much different kiss than those of the prior night, seeming more like an act of comfort, and act of playfulness. "You should drink some milk."

Shan Haiming frowned, seeming as if there was something he wanted to say, but in the end, he had said nothing instead.

_{"Of course, sir." The waiter hurried off and came back with a pen not long after. Shan Haiming then took out a napkin and began writing something, then when he was done, he handed it to Xiao Ning.}
Xiao Ning didn't feel that hungry, but he felt no urge to deter Shan Haiming either.

"Of course, sir." The waiter hurried off and came back with a pen not long after. Shan Haiming then took out a napkin and began writing something, then when he was done, he handed it to Xiao Ning.

_{"Keep it somewhere safe. It's my love letter to you, and it's the only one.}First

"Keep it somewhere safe. It's my love letter to you, and it's the only one. So whenever you have nothing to do, take it out and have a look. This way you can get used to it sooner." Shan Haiming then picked up his chopsticks and began picking up some of his meal as he added, "What's more, in my twenty-four years of life, you are the only boyfriend I've had, so there's no one for you to be compared to, which means that no matter how you act, you'll always be my first."

_{"Huh?" Xiao Ning hummed before lifting his head.}
Being taken care of by someone gave one a happy kind of feeling, and he was someone who rarely got such treatment. As the saying goes, a child who cries gets milk, and such a truth was always applicable no matter what the age may be. But as a kid, Xiao Ning only thought of not wanting to cause others trouble, so when there were instances where he was taken care of by another, all he felt back then was uneasy and the need to apologise a thousand times over.

"Huh?" Xiao Ning hummed before lifting his head.

_{Xiao Ning didn't hate it at all, but he honestly wasn't quite used to it.}Xiao Ning didn't hate it at all, but he honestly wasn't quite used to it.

Xiao Ning didn't hate it at all, but he honestly wasn't quite used to it.

_{It was all true. Everything he said was stated even more clearly than Xiao Ning could think.}
But at current, he can't help but think that enjoying such treatment for a little bit might actually be alright.

It was all true. Everything he said was stated even more clearly than Xiao Ning could think.

_{Like this, while holding both his glass of milk and hugging Xiaohei, Xiao Ning admitted he and his lover were very close. And with these kinds of thoughts, regardless if it was his body or his heart, Xiao Ning felt warm and soft all over. So now, while staring at hand Haiming's handsome face, he suddenly got the urge to ask him, "Are your Labour Day plans on the first important?"}Shan Haiming came back in to see Xiao Ning sit up with a start and staring straight at him with a face that exploded in a blush.

Like this, while holding both his glass of milk and hugging Xiaohei, Xiao Ning admitted he and his lover were very close. And with these kinds of thoughts, regardless if it was his body or his heart, Xiao Ning felt warm and soft all over. So now, while staring at hand Haiming's handsome face, he suddenly got the urge to ask him, "Are your Labour Day plans on the first important?"

_{He lifted a brow, but he said nothing about the matter only carrying the glass of warm milk in his hand to Xiao Ning along with Xiaohei who was also stuffed into Xiao Ning's arms. "Drink it all yourself, don't share any with that guy."}
After all, they were lovers... right?

He lifted a brow, but he said nothing about the matter only carrying the glass of warm milk in his hand to Xiao Ning along with Xiaohei who was also stuffed into Xiao Ning's arms. "Drink it all yourself, don't share any with that guy."

_{"What are you saying?" The glass in Xiao Ning's hand was already emptied, but he didn't put it down to instead immediately refute it. "No, it isn't."}
Thinking such a sentence still put Xiao Ning's mind in a fluff. He didn't know if Shan Haiming was just having fun or whatever, but that man was the kind of person who would never go against his own will, so even if he was just looking for a f-ck buddy, he would've just told Xiao Ning so outright, wouldn't he? He was definitely not the type who would play out some lover's game just to get a person to bed.

"What are you saying?" The glass in Xiao Ning's hand was already emptied, but he didn't put it down to instead immediately refute it. "No, it isn't."

_{"Who said that I don't like you?" Shan Haiming's expression remained normal.}Xiao Ning hesitated for a bit before continuing, "...need to force yourself."

"Who said that I don't like you?" Shan Haiming's expression remained normal.

   _{Xiao Ning, I like you.}This was the first boyfriend he had ever had—in his entire life.

   Xiao Ning, I like you.

_{"Anything's fine," Xiao Ning replied as usual while putting on his seatbelt.}Looking at the time, Xiao Ning prepared a mental draft in his mind before calling Shan Haiming. "Hi, Haiming, are you busy?"

"Anything's fine," Xiao Ning replied as usual while putting on his seatbelt.

_{Xiao Ning knew Shan Haiming's car well, so the moment he left the building, he spotted it and quickly walked over.}
So, if he said they were lovers, then it must be that they were.

Xiao Ning knew Shan Haiming's car well, so the moment he left the building, he spotted it and quickly walked over.

_{{I feel like my heart's gonna melt.}}People who give the impression of being a bit eccentric have a tendency to also be obsessive with their whims or lifestyle.

I feel like my heart's gonna melt.

_{{It was too uncomfortable.}}Xiao Ning didn't feel that hungry, but he felt no urge to deter Shan Haiming either.

It was too uncomfortable.

_{While Shan Haiming played around with Xiao Ning's palms, he asked the man before him, "What're you thinking about?"}Such a reason was not only childish, it was a handicap. One Xiao Ning wasn't planning on letting Shan Haiming discover.

While Shan Haiming played around with Xiao Ning's palms, he asked the man before him, "What're you thinking about?"

_{Xiao Ning: "..."}
Xiao Ning kept thinking about this for a long time, before circling back to the thought: Being lovers means...

Xiao Ning: "..."

_{Shan Haiming frowned, seeming as if there was something he wanted to say, but in the end, he had said nothing instead.}◈◇◈

Shan Haiming frowned, seeming as if there was something he wanted to say, but in the end, he had said nothing instead.

_{They arrived at the restaurant and entered. He ordered his dishes, Shan Haiming ordered his own, and then they both sat at their table as if they just happened to run into the other by chance.}iana: I love corny sht, so my heart's melting too.

They arrived at the restaurant and entered. He ordered his dishes, Shan Haiming ordered his own, and then they both sat at their table as if they just happened to run into the other by chance.

_{Xiao Ning hesitated for a bit before continuing, "...need to force yourself."}
Shan Haiming came back in to see Xiao Ning sit up with a start and staring straight at him with a face that exploded in a blush.

Xiao Ning hesitated for a bit before continuing, "...need to force yourself."

_{{Was this sweet talk or making trouble?}}But after saying all that, compared to usual, Shan Haiming seemed to have a bit less of that unconcerned calm and composed aura of his. He seemed like a kid who couldn't get any holiday candy and thus couldn't be happy.

Was this sweet talk or making trouble?

_{He had no idea if it was deliberate or not, but Shan Haiming seemed to have a lot more free time than he had before. After work, he would usually pick him up after work and they would go eat together, then at night, they would sleep in the same bed most of the time. In fact, the time they spent together had skyrocketed.}According to logic, this was him being confessed to. It hadn't been long since they'd been boyfriends and they'd also slept together before, so the sequence of events was a bit out of order. But at the moment, Xiao Ning really had no idea how to react.

He had no idea if it was deliberate or not, but Shan Haiming seemed to have a lot more free time than he had before. After work, he would usually pick him up after work and they would go eat together, then at night, they would sleep in the same bed most of the time. In fact, the time they spent together had skyrocketed.

_{"Who said that I don't like you?" Shan Haiming's expression remained normal.}
He lifted a brow, but he said nothing about the matter only carrying the glass of warm milk in his hand to Xiao Ning along with Xiaohei who was also stuffed into Xiao Ning's arms. "Drink it all yourself, don't share any with that guy."

"Who said that I don't like you?" Shan Haiming's expression remained normal.

_{"Yeah." Xiao Ning finally realised he had asked Wang Hua for Shan Haiming's ID card info, and if he had said something about that to Shan Haiming, it would be pretty easy for the guy before him to connect the dots. "The tickets are for the 8:25 p.m. flight on the 30th, and the flight duration is about two hours."}While binging gulps of water to cover up his embarrassment over having nothing to talk about, Xiao Ning then Shan Haiming suddenly asked him, "Is it that difficult to be with me?"

"Yeah." Xiao Ning finally realised he had asked Wang Hua for Shan Haiming's ID card info, and if he had said something about that to Shan Haiming, it would be pretty easy for the guy before him to connect the dots. "The tickets are for the 8:25 p.m. flight on the 30th, and the flight duration is about two hours."

_{Luckily, he didn't have that much strength left in him, otherwise, the glass in his hand would shatter. But, unfortunately for Xiaohei, it was not as firm as that cup, so with a yelp, it shocked Xiao Ning into quickly letting it go. Then with a proud leap, it hopped off the bed and ran out of the room, completely ignoring those human's foolishness.}
But Xiao Ning didn't dare accept the little guy as he was concerned about having Xiaohei roaming around in someone else's room. Back at his place, he would prevent Xiaohei from going on his bed or sofa, but this was Shan Haiming's bedroom, so he was really worried about cleanliness and the like.

Luckily, he didn't have that much strength left in him, otherwise, the glass in his hand would shatter. But, unfortunately for Xiaohei, it was not as firm as that cup, so with a yelp, it shocked Xiao Ning into quickly letting it go. Then with a proud leap, it hopped off the bed and ran out of the room, completely ignoring those human's foolishness.

_{Xiao Ning didn't hate it at all, but he honestly wasn't quite used to it.}"Huh?" Xiao Ning hummed before lifting his head.

Xiao Ning didn't hate it at all, but he honestly wasn't quite used to it.

_{Xiao Ning gasped in that instant, wondering how it was this man could always be so sharp.}
But Shan Haiming had stuffed Xiaohei into his arms himself, then used his finger to scratch the little cat under its chin. "What's the matter?"

Xiao Ning gasped in that instant, wondering how it was this man could always be so sharp.

_{{...should I say thank you now or something?}}"Who said that I don't like you?" Shan Haiming's expression remained normal.

...should I say thank you now or something?

_{To which Shan Haiming responded simply, "It depends on the person."}
"Um... nothing much." Xiao Ning's face was still burning as he continued, "I just thought you might've been a clean freak."

To which Shan Haiming responded simply, "It depends on the person."

_{But after the layer of pretence was stripped from their relationship, Xiao Ning thought he had become a bit strange in some aspects, mostly in regard to him not having even more of a clue what he should say to Shan Haiming.}"Of course I..." Xiao Ning saw the waiter arrive with their meal and immediately sealed his lips. After the waiter left, he saw Shan Haiming looking at him with burning eyes, so he had to continue, "...of course I like... like—"

But after the layer of pretence was stripped from their relationship, Xiao Ning thought he had become a bit strange in some aspects, mostly in regard to him not having even more of a clue what he should say to Shan Haiming.

_{So, if he said they were lovers, then it must be that they were.}
People who give the impression of being a bit eccentric have a tendency to also be obsessive with their whims or lifestyle.

So, if he said they were lovers, then it must be that they were.

_{To which Shan Haiming responded simply, "It depends on the person."}Yet Xiao Ning's eyes still fell towards the table. "You don't like... um, how should I say it? I don't feel as though you really like me, and I'm also not sure why you're willing to be in a relationship with me. If it's about your family matters, I'm willing to help you out with whatever, but if you feel as though this is the method of repayment you need to use since you're not paying me, then I'm willing to accept a salary if that would make you feel better about this. So you don't..."

To which Shan Haiming responded simply, "It depends on the person."

_{But at current, he can't help but think that enjoying such treatment for a little bit might actually be alright.}
To which Shan Haiming responded simply, "It depends on the person."

But at current, he can't help but think that enjoying such treatment for a little bit might actually be alright.

_{Before, when Shan Haiming had said words that bordered on flirtation, Xiao Ning had only regarded it as him speaking casually, but now, even the words he said casually weren't ones Xiao Ning could in any way hear of anything said offhandedly.}
Like this, while holding both his glass of milk and hugging Xiaohei, Xiao Ning admitted he and his lover were very close. And with these kinds of thoughts, regardless if it was his body or his heart, Xiao Ning felt warm and soft all over. So now, while staring at hand Haiming's handsome face, he suddenly got the urge to ask him, "Are your Labour Day plans on the first important?"

Before, when Shan Haiming had said words that bordered on flirtation, Xiao Ning had only regarded it as him speaking casually, but now, even the words he said casually weren't ones Xiao Ning could in any way hear of anything said offhandedly.

_{"Sounds good," Xiao Ning replied, swallowing back his sigh.}
"Not more important than you." While dodging a resentful bite from Xiao Hei, Shan Haiming replied.

"Sounds good," Xiao Ning replied, swallowing back his sigh.

_{"Of course, sir." The waiter hurried off and came back with a pen not long after. Shan Haiming then took out a napkin and began writing something, then when he was done, he handed it to Xiao Ning.}"I—" Xiao Ning unconsciously bound his fingers into a fist, his words instantly becoming incoherent. "I, uh... You, um..."

"Of course, sir." The waiter hurried off and came back with a pen not long after. Shan Haiming then took out a napkin and began writing something, then when he was done, he handed it to Xiao Ning.

_{According to logic, this was him being confessed to. It hadn't been long since they'd been boyfriends and they'd also slept together before, so the sequence of events was a bit out of order. But at the moment, Xiao Ning really had no idea how to react.}They arrived at the restaurant and entered. He ordered his dishes, Shan Haiming ordered his own, and then they both sat at their table as if they just happened to run into the other by chance.

According to logic, this was him being confessed to. It hadn't been long since they'd been boyfriends and they'd also slept together before, so the sequence of events was a bit out of order. But at the moment, Xiao Ning really had no idea how to react.

_{But Shan Haiming had stuffed Xiaohei into his arms himself, then used his finger to scratch the little cat under its chin. "What's the matter?"}
Before, when Shan Haiming had said words that bordered on flirtation, Xiao Ning had only regarded it as him speaking casually, but now, even the words he said casually weren't ones Xiao Ning could in any way hear of anything said offhandedly.

But Shan Haiming had stuffed Xiaohei into his arms himself, then used his finger to scratch the little cat under its chin. "What's the matter?"

_{Those words were something Xiao Ning never expected to hear in his dreams, and, at present, an explosive symphony went off in his mind in succession. It was utter chaos. It was impossible. {How could it be? How could this be happening?}}"I—" Xiao Ning unconsciously bound his fingers into a fist, his words instantly becoming incoherent. "I, uh... You, um..."

Those words were something Xiao Ning never expected to hear in his dreams, and, at present, an explosive symphony went off in his mind in succession. It was utter chaos. It was impossible. How could it be? How could this be happening?

_{{Was this sweet talk or making trouble?}}But Xiao Ning didn't dare accept the little guy as he was concerned about having Xiaohei roaming around in someone else's room. Back at his place, he would prevent Xiaohei from going on his bed or sofa, but this was Shan Haiming's bedroom, so he was really worried about cleanliness and the like.

Was this sweet talk or making trouble?

_{Xiao Ning didn't feel that hungry, but he felt no urge to deter Shan Haiming either.}
Luckily, he didn't have that much strength left in him, otherwise, the glass in his hand would shatter. But, unfortunately for Xiaohei, it was not as firm as that cup, so with a yelp, it shocked Xiao Ning into quickly letting it go. Then with a proud leap, it hopped off the bed and ran out of the room, completely ignoring those human's foolishness.

Xiao Ning didn't feel that hungry, but he felt no urge to deter Shan Haiming either.

_{Before, when Shan Haiming had said words that bordered on flirtation, Xiao Ning had only regarded it as him speaking casually, but now, even the words he said casually weren't ones Xiao Ning could in any way hear of anything said offhandedly.}He lifted a brow, but he said nothing about the matter only carrying the glass of warm milk in his hand to Xiao Ning along with Xiaohei who was also stuffed into Xiao Ning's arms. "Drink it all yourself, don't share any with that guy."

Before, when Shan Haiming had said words that bordered on flirtation, Xiao Ning had only regarded it as him speaking casually, but now, even the words he said casually weren't ones Xiao Ning could in any way hear of anything said offhandedly.

_{And to his words, Xiao Ning acquiesced.}
"So tell me," Shan Haiming propped himself up on the edge of his bed by the elbows, "did you already buy the tickets?"

And to his words, Xiao Ning acquiesced.

_{But at current, he can't help but think that enjoying such treatment for a little bit might actually be alright.}"Not more important than you." While dodging a resentful bite from Xiao Hei, Shan Haiming replied.

But at current, he can't help but think that enjoying such treatment for a little bit might actually be alright.

_{Contrary to expectations, Shan Haiming was unexpectedly the type who took care of others, and despite his methods being a bit strange or there being times a person would find it difficult to accept, Xiao Ning truly felt it was the type of person he is.}Xiao Ning: "..."

Contrary to expectations, Shan Haiming was unexpectedly the type who took care of others, and despite his methods being a bit strange or there being times a person would find it difficult to accept, Xiao Ning truly felt it was the type of person he is.

_{Shan Haiming suddenly interrupted him to say, "Tell me. Tell me what you're worried about."}
Xiao Ning's eyes widened a bit. "How did you..."

Shan Haiming suddenly interrupted him to say, "Tell me. Tell me what you're worried about."

_{Was this sweet talk or making trouble?}
Shan Haiming pouted helplessly, "Is there anything I can't guess? So did you buy them?"

Was this sweet talk or making trouble?

_{The waiter who wasn't far away heard him and came over. "Yes, sir?"}The noise in my head all stopped at once, leaving Xiao Ning speechless.

The waiter who wasn't far away heard him and came over. "Yes, sir?"

_{But Shan Haiming then stated directly, "Today when you called, you didn't want me to come over."}Xiao Ning didn't realise he had asked, and Shan Haiming offhandedly added, "Because I feel that apart from me, there won't be anyone who'll like you. It was far too miserable and I couldn't stand it n bit, but I couldn't just leave it be either. So I picked you up, took you home and kept you for myself."

But Shan Haiming then stated directly, "Today when you called, you didn't want me to come over."

_{It was all true. Everything he said was stated even more clearly than Xiao Ning could think.}But after the layer of pretence was stripped from their relationship, Xiao Ning thought he had become a bit strange in some aspects, mostly in regard to him not having even more of a clue what he should say to Shan Haiming.

It was all true. Everything he said was stated even more clearly than Xiao Ning could think.

_{"Can you bring me a pen?" Shan Haiming asked.}
"Yeah." Xiao Ning finally realised he had asked Wang Hua for Shan Haiming's ID card info, and if he had said something about that to Shan Haiming, it would be pretty easy for the guy before him to connect the dots. "The tickets are for the 8:25 p.m. flight on the 30th, and the flight duration is about two hours."

"Can you bring me a pen?" Shan Haiming asked.

_{After all, they were lovers... right?}People who give the impression of being a bit eccentric have a tendency to also be obsessive with their whims or lifestyle.

After all, they were lovers... right?

_{"Hurry up to do what?" Xiao Ning asked in confusion.}"What are you saying?" The glass in Xiao Ning's hand was already emptied, but he didn't put it down to instead immediately refute it. "No, it isn't."

"Hurry up to do what?" Xiao Ning asked in confusion.

_{According to logic, this was him being confessed to. It hadn't been long since they'd been boyfriends and they'd also slept together before, so the sequence of events was a bit out of order. But at the moment, Xiao Ning really had no idea how to react.}
With a nod, Shan Haiming indicated he understood, and after hearing the doorbell ring, he got up to go get their takeout.

According to logic, this was him being confessed to. It hadn't been long since they'd been boyfriends and they'd also slept together before, so the sequence of events was a bit out of order. But at the moment, Xiao Ning really had no idea how to react.

_{But after the layer of pretence was stripped from their relationship, Xiao Ning thought he had become a bit strange in some aspects, mostly in regard to him not having even more of a clue what he should say to Shan Haiming.}Is this how things should go? Having never been in love before, he didn't want to lie to him.

But after the layer of pretence was stripped from their relationship, Xiao Ning thought he had become a bit strange in some aspects, mostly in regard to him not having even more of a clue what he should say to Shan Haiming.

_{{Is this how things should go?} Having never been in love before, he didn't want to lie to him.}It was all true. Everything he said was stated even more clearly than Xiao Ning could think.

Is this how things should go? Having never been in love before, he didn't want to lie to him.

_{iana: I love corny sht, so my heart's melting too.}
After his initial surprise, Xiao Ning couldn't help but feel nothing but joy. If this trip went well, it would be the first time he had ever travelled for fun, even if it was just a trip back to his hometown.

iana: I love corny sht, so my heart's melting too.

◈◇◈

   _{by Shan Haiming}
Looking at the time, Xiao Ning prepared a mental draft in his mind before calling Shan Haiming. "Hi, Haiming, are you busy?"

   by Shan Haiming

_{Xiao Ning didn't hate it at all, but he honestly wasn't quite used to it.}"You like me." Shan Haiming's words shocked Xiao Ning, who seemed like a treasure-coveting thief who had just suddenly been exposed, and who listened to Shan Haiming continue, "It's decided.'

Xiao Ning didn't hate it at all, but he honestly wasn't quite used to it.

_First
"Nope, I just finished and was planning to head to your place. Is something up?"

First

_{Xiao Ning felt his heart tighten at this realisation, and everything else seemed irrelevant. He didn't want to see Shan Haiming like this. He would rather the man's sharp tongue and criticism than see him be like this.}   Xiao Ning, I like you.

Xiao Ning felt his heart tighten at this realisation, and everything else seemed irrelevant. He didn't want to see Shan Haiming like this. He would rather the man's sharp tongue and criticism than see him be like this.

_{After their call ended, he thought for a while about meeting Shan Haiming and felt himself become quite uneasy.}During their drive, Xiao Ning was as silent as a mouse and Shan Haiming also never said a word. Maybe this was always how he had been, when he had something to say, he'd just say it, and he wasn't the type to look for something to talk about just to fill the silence. But, currently, in Xiao Ning's eyes, it seemed as though Shan Haiming's mood was lower than usual.

After their call ended, he thought for a while about meeting Shan Haiming and felt himself become quite uneasy.

_{To which Shan Haiming responded simply, "It depends on the person."}And to his words, Xiao Ning acquiesced.

To which Shan Haiming responded simply, "It depends on the person."

_{Across from him, Shan Haiming waited and waited, but no matter how long he waited he did not receive a response. So in the end he urged, Hurry up already."}
He had no idea if it was deliberate or not, but Shan Haiming seemed to have a lot more free time than he had before. After work, he would usually pick him up after work and they would go eat together, then at night, they would sleep in the same bed most of the time. In fact, the time they spent together had skyrocketed.

Across from him, Shan Haiming waited and waited, but no matter how long he waited he did not receive a response. So in the end he urged, Hurry up already."

_{According to logic, this was him being confessed to. It hadn't been long since they'd been boyfriends and they'd also slept together before, so the sequence of events was a bit out of order. But at the moment, Xiao Ning really had no idea how to react.}Xiao Ning knew Shan Haiming's car well, so the moment he left the building, he spotted it and quickly walked over.

According to logic, this was him being confessed to. It hadn't been long since they'd been boyfriends and they'd also slept together before, so the sequence of events was a bit out of order. But at the moment, Xiao Ning really had no idea how to react.

_{"I do understand." Shan Haiming then said slowly, "You feel as though you don't deserve me, and that even though I'm interested in you right now, after a lot of time passes or that if you don't perform well, I might end up not liking you any more."}Xiao Ning didn't feel that hungry, but he felt no urge to deter Shan Haiming either.

"I do understand." Shan Haiming then said slowly, "You feel as though you don't deserve me, and that even though I'm interested in you right now, after a lot of time passes or that if you don't perform well, I might end up not liking you any more."

_{He was quite irritated as he spoke as if a simple maths problem of one plus one being two was something Xiao Ning couldn't solve.}People who give the impression of being a bit eccentric have a tendency to also be obsessive with their whims or lifestyle.

He was quite irritated as he spoke as if a simple maths problem of one plus one being two was something Xiao Ning couldn't solve.

_{After two people truly become lovers, this kind of cold war pattern could develop, and it simply made Xiao Ning descend into a bout of silent suffering.}
Xiao Ning didn't hate it at all, but he honestly wasn't quite used to it.

After two people truly become lovers, this kind of cold war pattern could develop, and it simply made Xiao Ning descend into a bout of silent suffering.

_{Shan Haiming came back in to see Xiao Ning sit up with a start and staring straight at him with a face that exploded in a blush.}
"I want to go buy a few things after work since we'll be going to C-City in a few days and it wouldn't be good to head back there empty-handed. So if you're..." The reason Xiao Ning had phoned him at that moment, was because he wasn't sure if Shan Haiming wanted to go along. If the other party had no intention of coming, but he told them in advance there was no need to come, that would appear quite presumptuous, wouldn't it?

Shan Haiming came back in to see Xiao Ning sit up with a start and staring straight at him with a face that exploded in a blush.

_{"Not more important than you." While dodging a resentful bite from Xiao Hei, Shan Haiming replied.}
But after the layer of pretence was stripped from their relationship, Xiao Ning thought he had become a bit strange in some aspects, mostly in regard to him not having even more of a clue what he should say to Shan Haiming.

"Not more important than you." While dodging a resentful bite from Xiao Hei, Shan Haiming replied.

_{{I feel like my heart's gonna melt.}}Was this sweet talk or making trouble?

I feel like my heart's gonna melt.

_{Before, when Shan Haiming had said words that bordered on flirtation, Xiao Ning had only regarded it as him speaking casually, but now, even the words he said casually weren't ones Xiao Ning could in any way hear of anything said offhandedly.}But after saying all that, compared to usual, Shan Haiming seemed to have a bit less of that unconcerned calm and composed aura of his. He seemed like a kid who couldn't get any holiday candy and thus couldn't be happy.

Before, when Shan Haiming had said words that bordered on flirtation, Xiao Ning had only regarded it as him speaking casually, but now, even the words he said casually weren't ones Xiao Ning could in any way hear of anything said offhandedly.

_{But after the layer of pretence was stripped from their relationship, Xiao Ning thought he had become a bit strange in some aspects, mostly in regard to him not having even more of a clue what he should say to Shan Haiming.}He had so many worries, but it wasn't the time to think about such issues.

But after the layer of pretence was stripped from their relationship, Xiao Ning thought he had become a bit strange in some aspects, mostly in regard to him not having even more of a clue what he should say to Shan Haiming.

_{"I like you." Shan Haiming tapped the table. "So right now, please remember it well that you just treated me like some crazy person who would sleep with someone that he doesn't like. I don't have that kind of energy."}
It wasn't that he did not want to speak, just that he was so used to always reviewing his words beforehand and was caught up in thoughts of: Will this be really boring? Or, will it be super annoying? And because he was bad at striking up lively conversations, when all his options were filtered out, he would be left with nothing proper to say.

"I like you." Shan Haiming tapped the table. "So right now, please remember it well that you just treated me like some crazy person who would sleep with someone that he doesn't like. I don't have that kind of energy."

_{But Xiao Ning didn't dare accept the little guy as he was concerned about having Xiaohei roaming around in someone else's room. Back at his place, he would prevent Xiaohei from going on his bed or sofa, but this was Shan Haiming's bedroom, so he was really worried about cleanliness and the like.}But after the layer of pretence was stripped from their relationship, Xiao Ning thought he had become a bit strange in some aspects, mostly in regard to him not having even more of a clue what he should say to Shan Haiming.

But Xiao Ning didn't dare accept the little guy as he was concerned about having Xiaohei roaming around in someone else's room. Back at his place, he would prevent Xiaohei from going on his bed or sofa, but this was Shan Haiming's bedroom, so he was really worried about cleanliness and the like.

_{After all, they were lovers... right?}I feel like my heart's gonna melt.

After all, they were lovers... right?

_{While Shan Haiming played around with Xiao Ning's palms, he asked the man before him, "What're you thinking about?"}
Such a reason was not only childish, it was a handicap. One Xiao Ning wasn't planning on letting Shan Haiming discover.

While Shan Haiming played around with Xiao Ning's palms, he asked the man before him, "What're you thinking about?"

_{Xiao Ning didn't realise he had asked, and Shan Haiming offhandedly added, "Because I feel that apart from me, there won't be anyone who'll like you. It was far too miserable and I couldn't stand it n bit, but I couldn't just leave it be either. So I picked you up, took you home and kept you for myself."}"I do understand." Shan Haiming then said slowly, "You feel as though you don't deserve me, and that even though I'm interested in you right now, after a lot of time passes or that if you don't perform well, I might end up not liking you any more."

Xiao Ning didn't realise he had asked, and Shan Haiming offhandedly added, "Because I feel that apart from me, there won't be anyone who'll like you. It was far too miserable and I couldn't stand it n bit, but I couldn't just leave it be either. So I picked you up, took you home and kept you for myself."

_{"Huh?" Xiao Ning hummed before lifting his head.}But Shan Haiming had stuffed Xiaohei into his arms himself, then used his finger to scratch the little cat under its chin. "What's the matter?"

"Huh?" Xiao Ning hummed before lifting his head.

_{"You hungry?" Shan Haiming leaned over to kiss him. It was a much different kiss than those of the prior night, seeming more like an act of comfort, and act of playfulness. "You should drink some milk."}"Of course I..." Xiao Ning saw the waiter arrive with their meal and immediately sealed his lips. After the waiter left, he saw Shan Haiming looking at him with burning eyes, so he had to continue, "...of course I like... like—"

"You hungry?" Shan Haiming leaned over to kiss him. It was a much different kiss than those of the prior night, seeming more like an act of comfort, and act of playfulness. "You should drink some milk."

_{This was the first boyfriend he had ever had—in his entire life.}
"Oh, okay. We can go shopping after we eat." It was possible Shan Haiming simply didn't notice Xiao Ning's implication that he wouldn't be going out with him for dinner. But it was also possible he ignored Xiao Ning's polite refusal and decided on the itinerary for them both. "There's a huge supermarket nearby, how about that?"

This was the first boyfriend he had ever had—in his entire life.

_{After all, they were lovers... right?}
"Sounds good," Xiao Ning replied, swallowing back his sigh.

After all, they were lovers... right?

_{Such a reason was not only childish, it was a handicap. One Xiao Ning wasn't planning on letting Shan Haiming discover.}This kind of tawdry act that was commonly found in novels was far too over the top, but at this moment, Xiao Ning felt it completely touched.

Such a reason was not only childish, it was a handicap. One Xiao Ning wasn't planning on letting Shan Haiming discover.

_{"How?" Shan Haiming asked calmly.}Xiao Ning hesitated for a bit before continuing, "...need to force yourself."

"How?" Shan Haiming asked calmly.

_{With a disdainful tone seeming to convey the feeling "Are you an idiot", he replied, "To say that you like me too."}"Of course, sir." The waiter hurried off and came back with a pen not long after. Shan Haiming then took out a napkin and began writing something, then when he was done, he handed it to Xiao Ning.

With a disdainful tone seeming to convey the feeling "Are you an idiot", he replied, "To say that you like me too."

_{Such a reason was not only childish, it was a handicap. One Xiao Ning wasn't planning on letting Shan Haiming discover.}
After their call ended, he thought for a while about meeting Shan Haiming and felt himself become quite uneasy.

Such a reason was not only childish, it was a handicap. One Xiao Ning wasn't planning on letting Shan Haiming discover.

_{This kind of tawdry act that was commonly found in novels was far too over the top, but at this moment, Xiao Ning felt it completely touched.}...should I say thank you now or something?

This kind of tawdry act that was commonly found in novels was far too over the top, but at this moment, Xiao Ning felt it completely touched.

_{Upon entering the car, Shan Haiming asked, "What'd you like to eat?"}Across from him, Shan Haiming waited and waited, but no matter how long he waited he did not receive a response. So in the end he urged, Hurry up already."

Upon entering the car, Shan Haiming asked, "What'd you like to eat?"

_{Thinking such a sentence still put Xiao Ning's mind in a fluff. He didn't know if Shan Haiming was just having fun or whatever, but that man was the kind of person who would never go against his own will, so even if he was just looking for a f-ck buddy, he would've just told Xiao Ning so outright, wouldn't he? He was definitely not the type who would play out some lover's game just to get a person to bed.}
This was the first boyfriend he had ever had—in his entire life.

Thinking such a sentence still put Xiao Ning's mind in a fluff. He didn't know if Shan Haiming was just having fun or whatever, but that man was the kind of person who would never go against his own will, so even if he was just looking for a f-ck buddy, he would've just told Xiao Ning so outright, wouldn't he? He was definitely not the type who would play out some lover's game just to get a person to bed.

_{"I do understand." Shan Haiming then said slowly, "You feel as though you don't deserve me, and that even though I'm interested in you right now, after a lot of time passes or that if you don't perform well, I might end up not liking you any more."}
He had no clue what lovers should do. He had no clue what lovers should say. He had not one hint of an idea, and it was especially so since the guy in question was so much higher on the prospect sheet than him. Honestly, even at this stage, Xiao Ning couldn't so much as figure out how such a situation came to be.

"I do understand." Shan Haiming then said slowly, "You feel as though you don't deserve me, and that even though I'm interested in you right now, after a lot of time passes or that if you don't perform well, I might end up not liking you any more."

_{Xiao Ning suddenly felt rather hurt and uncomfortable, being with Shan Haiming like this was too uncomfortable and he refused to accept it. He could endure the constant up-and-down entanglement with Lu Yan throughout all those years, but he couldn't stand being like this with Shan Haiming for one more second.}I feel like my heart's gonna melt.

Xiao Ning suddenly felt rather hurt and uncomfortable, being with Shan Haiming like this was too uncomfortable and he refused to accept it. He could endure the constant up-and-down entanglement with Lu Yan throughout all those years, but he couldn't stand being like this with Shan Haiming for one more second.

_◈◇◈Was this sweet talk or making trouble?

◈◇◈

◈◇◈

_{"How?" Shan Haiming asked calmly.}
Xiao Ning knew Shan Haiming's car well, so the moment he left the building, he spotted it and quickly walked over.

"How?" Shan Haiming asked calmly.

_{Under the shadow of his bangs and Shan Haiming's palms, Xiao Ning's slightly tired brows had a delicate kind of prettiness, a sort of meekness. "I was just wondering how long it'll be until the take-out arrives."}
Upon entering the car, Shan Haiming asked, "What'd you like to eat?"

Under the shadow of his bangs and Shan Haiming's palms, Xiao Ning's slightly tired brows had a delicate kind of prettiness, a sort of meekness. "I was just wondering how long it'll be until the take-out arrives."

   _{Xiao Ning, I like you.}
"Anything's fine," Xiao Ning replied as usual while putting on his seatbelt.

   Xiao Ning, I like you.

_{The waiter who wasn't far away heard him and came over. "Yes, sir?"}
Shan Haiming said nothing more and started the car.

The waiter who wasn't far away heard him and came over. "Yes, sir?"

_{Taking the note, Xiao Ning saw the following written:}He had no clue what lovers should do. He had no clue what lovers should say. He had not one hint of an idea, and it was especially so since the guy in question was so much higher on the prospect sheet than him. Honestly, even at this stage, Xiao Ning couldn't so much as figure out how such a situation came to be.

Taking the note, Xiao Ning saw the following written:

_{"You're so difficult to serve." Shan Haiming's tone showed displeasure as he raised his voice, "Waiter."}Upon entering the car, Shan Haiming asked, "What'd you like to eat?"

"You're so difficult to serve." Shan Haiming's tone showed displeasure as he raised his voice, "Waiter."

_{Across from him, Shan Haiming waited and waited, but no matter how long he waited he did not receive a response. So in the end he urged, Hurry up already."}Under the shadow of his bangs and Shan Haiming's palms, Xiao Ning's slightly tired brows had a delicate kind of prettiness, a sort of meekness. "I was just wondering how long it'll be until the take-out arrives."

Across from him, Shan Haiming waited and waited, but no matter how long he waited he did not receive a response. So in the end he urged, Hurry up already."

_{Xiao Ning's eyes widened a bit. "How did you..."}
During their drive, Xiao Ning was as silent as a mouse and Shan Haiming also never said a word. Maybe this was always how he had been, when he had something to say, he'd just say it, and he wasn't the type to look for something to talk about just to fill the silence. But, currently, in Xiao Ning's eyes, it seemed as though Shan Haiming's mood was lower than usual.

Xiao Ning's eyes widened a bit. "How did you..."

_{Taking the note, Xiao Ning saw the following written:}
After two people truly become lovers, this kind of cold war pattern could develop, and it simply made Xiao Ning descend into a bout of silent suffering.

Taking the note, Xiao Ning saw the following written:

_{"How?" Shan Haiming asked calmly.}"I do understand." Shan Haiming then said slowly, "You feel as though you don't deserve me, and that even though I'm interested in you right now, after a lot of time passes or that if you don't perform well, I might end up not liking you any more."

"How?" Shan Haiming asked calmly.

_{"Haiming..." Xiao Ning bit his lips as he tried to find the right words, "I'm not sure how I should say it, but we... we're just really um... weird."}But after saying all that, compared to usual, Shan Haiming seemed to have a bit less of that unconcerned calm and composed aura of his. He seemed like a kid who couldn't get any holiday candy and thus couldn't be happy.

"Haiming..." Xiao Ning bit his lips as he tried to find the right words, "I'm not sure how I should say it, but we... we're just really um... weird."

_{After his initial surprise, Xiao Ning couldn't help but feel nothing but joy. If this trip went well, it would be the first time he had ever travelled for fun, even if it was just a trip back to his hometown.}Before, when Shan Haiming had said words that bordered on flirtation, Xiao Ning had only regarded it as him speaking casually, but now, even the words he said casually weren't ones Xiao Ning could in any way hear of anything said offhandedly.

After his initial surprise, Xiao Ning couldn't help but feel nothing but joy. If this trip went well, it would be the first time he had ever travelled for fun, even if it was just a trip back to his hometown.

_{After their call ended, he thought for a while about meeting Shan Haiming and felt himself become quite uneasy.}
They arrived at the restaurant and entered. He ordered his dishes, Shan Haiming ordered his own, and then they both sat at their table as if they just happened to run into the other by chance.

After their call ended, he thought for a while about meeting Shan Haiming and felt himself become quite uneasy.

_{His voice was now reduced to a whisper, "I just find it very hard to believe at all, and this kind of feeling is something you might not be able to understand."}Shan Haiming suddenly interrupted him to say, "Tell me. Tell me what you're worried about."

His voice was now reduced to a whisper, "I just find it very hard to believe at all, and this kind of feeling is something you might not be able to understand."

_{Like this, while holding both his glass of milk and hugging Xiaohei, Xiao Ning admitted he and his lover were very close. And with these kinds of thoughts, regardless if it was his body or his heart, Xiao Ning felt warm and soft all over. So now, while staring at hand Haiming's handsome face, he suddenly got the urge to ask him, "Are your Labour Day plans on the first important?"}
While binging gulps of water to cover up his embarrassment over having nothing to talk about, Xiao Ning then Shan Haiming suddenly asked him, "Is it that difficult to be with me?"

Like this, while holding both his glass of milk and hugging Xiaohei, Xiao Ning admitted he and his lover were very close. And with these kinds of thoughts, regardless if it was his body or his heart, Xiao Ning felt warm and soft all over. So now, while staring at hand Haiming's handsome face, he suddenly got the urge to ask him, "Are your Labour Day plans on the first important?"

_{But Shan Haiming then stated directly, "Today when you called, you didn't want me to come over."}
"What are you saying?" The glass in Xiao Ning's hand was already emptied, but he didn't put it down to instead immediately refute it. "No, it isn't."

But Shan Haiming then stated directly, "Today when you called, you didn't want me to come over."

_{But after saying all that, compared to usual, Shan Haiming seemed to have a bit less of that unconcerned calm and composed aura of his. He seemed like a kid who couldn't get any holiday candy and thus couldn't be happy.}"Of course I..." Xiao Ning saw the waiter arrive with their meal and immediately sealed his lips. After the waiter left, he saw Shan Haiming looking at him with burning eyes, so he had to continue, "...of course I like... like—"

But after saying all that, compared to usual, Shan Haiming seemed to have a bit less of that unconcerned calm and composed aura of his. He seemed like a kid who couldn't get any holiday candy and thus couldn't be happy.

_{Once he voiced these words, the weight on his chest lifted, as if someone had removed a layer of skin.}
But Shan Haiming then stated directly, "Today when you called, you didn't want me to come over."

Once he voiced these words, the weight on his chest lifted, as if someone had removed a layer of skin.

_{"I—" Xiao Ning unconsciously bound his fingers into a fist, his words instantly becoming incoherent. "I, uh... You, um..."}His voice was now reduced to a whisper, "I just find it very hard to believe at all, and this kind of feeling is something you might not be able to understand."

"I—" Xiao Ning unconsciously bound his fingers into a fist, his words instantly becoming incoherent. "I, uh... You, um..."

_{{Is this how things should go?} Having never been in love before, he didn't want to lie to him.}"Of course I..." Xiao Ning saw the waiter arrive with their meal and immediately sealed his lips. After the waiter left, he saw Shan Haiming looking at him with burning eyes, so he had to continue, "...of course I like... like—"

Is this how things should go? Having never been in love before, he didn't want to lie to him.

_{Xiao Ning suddenly felt rather hurt and uncomfortable, being with Shan Haiming like this was too uncomfortable and he refused to accept it. He could endure the constant up-and-down entanglement with Lu Yan throughout all those years, but he couldn't stand being like this with Shan Haiming for one more second.}
"I..." Xiao Ning couldn't tell Shan Haiming he was mistaken because it was the truth. "I just wanted to go shopping without having to trouble you."

Xiao Ning suddenly felt rather hurt and uncomfortable, being with Shan Haiming like this was too uncomfortable and he refused to accept it. He could endure the constant up-and-down entanglement with Lu Yan throughout all those years, but he couldn't stand being like this with Shan Haiming for one more second.

_{He was quite irritated as he spoke as if a simple maths problem of one plus one being two was something Xiao Ning couldn't solve.}
Shan Haiming frowned, seeming as if there was something he wanted to say, but in the end, he had said nothing instead.

He was quite irritated as he spoke as if a simple maths problem of one plus one being two was something Xiao Ning couldn't solve.

_{...It's strange for me to think like this too.}
Xiao Ning suddenly felt rather hurt and uncomfortable, being with Shan Haiming like this was too uncomfortable and he refused to accept it. He could endure the constant up-and-down entanglement with Lu Yan throughout all those years, but he couldn't stand being like this with Shan Haiming for one more second.

...It's strange for me to think like this too.

_{"You like me." Shan Haiming's words shocked Xiao Ning, who seemed like a treasure-coveting thief who had just suddenly been exposed, and who listened to Shan Haiming continue, "It's decided.'}
It was too uncomfortable.

"You like me." Shan Haiming's words shocked Xiao Ning, who seemed like a treasure-coveting thief who had just suddenly been exposed, and who listened to Shan Haiming continue, "It's decided.'

_{Looking at the time, Xiao Ning prepared a mental draft in his mind before calling Shan Haiming. "Hi, Haiming, are you busy?"}
"Haiming..." Xiao Ning bit his lips as he tried to find the right words, "I'm not sure how I should say it, but we... we're just really um... weird."

Looking at the time, Xiao Ning prepared a mental draft in his mind before calling Shan Haiming. "Hi, Haiming, are you busy?"

_{"Hurry up to do what?" Xiao Ning asked in confusion.}
"How?" Shan Haiming asked calmly.

"Hurry up to do what?" Xiao Ning asked in confusion.

_{According to logic, this was him being confessed to. It hadn't been long since they'd been boyfriends and they'd also slept together before, so the sequence of events was a bit out of order. But at the moment, Xiao Ning really had no idea how to react.}It wasn't that he did not want to speak, just that he was so used to always reviewing his words beforehand and was caught up in thoughts of: Will this be really boring? Or, will it be super annoying? And because he was bad at striking up lively conversations, when all his options were filtered out, he would be left with nothing proper to say.

According to logic, this was him being confessed to. It hadn't been long since they'd been boyfriends and they'd also slept together before, so the sequence of events was a bit out of order. But at the moment, Xiao Ning really had no idea how to react.

_{This kind of tawdry act that was commonly found in novels was far too over the top, but at this moment, Xiao Ning felt it completely touched.}
Yet Xiao Ning's eyes still fell towards the table. "You don't like... um, how should I say it? I don't feel as though you really like me, and I'm also not sure why you're willing to be in a relationship with me. If it's about your family matters, I'm willing to help you out with whatever, but if you feel as though this is the method of repayment you need to use since you're not paying me, then I'm willing to accept a salary if that would make you feel better about this. So you don't..."

This kind of tawdry act that was commonly found in novels was far too over the top, but at this moment, Xiao Ning felt it completely touched.

_{"Huh?" Xiao Ning hummed before lifting his head.}Those words were something Xiao Ning never expected to hear in his dreams, and, at present, an explosive symphony went off in his mind in succession. It was utter chaos. It was impossible. How could it be? How could this be happening?

"Huh?" Xiao Ning hummed before lifting his head.

_{Across from him, Shan Haiming waited and waited, but no matter how long he waited he did not receive a response. So in the end he urged, Hurry up already."}"So tell me," Shan Haiming propped himself up on the edge of his bed by the elbows, "did you already buy the tickets?"

Across from him, Shan Haiming waited and waited, but no matter how long he waited he did not receive a response. So in the end he urged, Hurry up already."

_{They arrived at the restaurant and entered. He ordered his dishes, Shan Haiming ordered his own, and then they both sat at their table as if they just happened to run into the other by chance.}
Xiao Ning hesitated for a bit before continuing, "...need to force yourself."

They arrived at the restaurant and entered. He ordered his dishes, Shan Haiming ordered his own, and then they both sat at their table as if they just happened to run into the other by chance.

_{Like this, while holding both his glass of milk and hugging Xiaohei, Xiao Ning admitted he and his lover were very close. And with these kinds of thoughts, regardless if it was his body or his heart, Xiao Ning felt warm and soft all over. So now, while staring at hand Haiming's handsome face, he suddenly got the urge to ask him, "Are your Labour Day plans on the first important?"}Before, when Shan Haiming had said words that bordered on flirtation, Xiao Ning had only regarded it as him speaking casually, but now, even the words he said casually weren't ones Xiao Ning could in any way hear of anything said offhandedly.

Like this, while holding both his glass of milk and hugging Xiaohei, Xiao Ning admitted he and his lover were very close. And with these kinds of thoughts, regardless if it was his body or his heart, Xiao Ning felt warm and soft all over. So now, while staring at hand Haiming's handsome face, he suddenly got the urge to ask him, "Are your Labour Day plans on the first important?"

_{Shan Haiming said nothing more and started the car.}
Once he voiced these words, the weight on his chest lifted, as if someone had removed a layer of skin.

Shan Haiming said nothing more and started the car.

_{I feel like my heart's gonna melt.}
Contrary to expectations, Shan Haiming was unexpectedly the type who took care of others, and despite his methods being a bit strange or there being times a person would find it difficult to accept, Xiao Ning truly felt it was the type of person he is.

I feel like my heart's gonna melt.

_{While binging gulps of water to cover up his embarrassment over having nothing to talk about, Xiao Ning then Shan Haiming suddenly asked him, "Is it that difficult to be with me?"}Xiao Ning didn't realise he had asked, and Shan Haiming offhandedly added, "Because I feel that apart from me, there won't be anyone who'll like you. It was far too miserable and I couldn't stand it n bit, but I couldn't just leave it be either. So I picked you up, took you home and kept you for myself."

While binging gulps of water to cover up his embarrassment over having nothing to talk about, Xiao Ning then Shan Haiming suddenly asked him, "Is it that difficult to be with me?"

_{Being taken care of by someone gave one a happy kind of feeling, and he was someone who rarely got such treatment. As the saying goes, a child who cries gets milk, and such a truth was always applicable no matter what the age may be.}"Yeah." Xiao Ning finally realised he had asked Wang Hua for Shan Haiming's ID card info, and if he had said something about that to Shan Haiming, it would be pretty easy for the guy before him to connect the dots. "The tickets are for the 8:25 p.m. flight on the 30th, and the flight duration is about two hours."

Being taken care of by someone gave one a happy kind of feeling, and he was someone who rarely got such treatment. As the saying goes, a child who cries gets milk, and such a truth was always applicable no matter what the age may be. But as a kid, Xiao Ning only thought of not wanting to cause others trouble, so when there were instances where he was taken care of by another, all he felt back then was uneasy and the need to apologise a thousand times over.

_{"Huh?" Xiao Ning hummed before lifting his head.}Being taken care of by someone gave one a happy kind of feeling, and he was someone who rarely got such treatment. As the saying goes, a child who cries gets milk, and such a truth was always applicable no matter what the age may be. But as a kid, Xiao Ning only thought of not wanting to cause others trouble, so when there were instances where he was taken care of by another, all he felt back then was uneasy and the need to apologise a thousand times over.

"Huh?" Xiao Ning hummed before lifting his head.

_{"So tell me," Shan Haiming propped himself up on the edge of his bed by the elbows, "did you already buy the tickets?"}
When he answered, Shan Haiming's voice was still incredibly composed, "Who said so?"

"So tell me," Shan Haiming propped himself up on the edge of his bed by the elbows, "did you already buy the tickets?"

_{"Oh, okay. We can go shopping after we eat." It was possible Shan Haiming simply didn't notice Xiao Ning's implication that he wouldn't be going out with him for dinner. But it was also possible he ignored Xiao Ning's polite refusal and decided on the itinerary for them both. "There's a huge supermarket nearby, how about that?"}
"Huh?" Xiao Ning hummed before lifting his head.

"Oh, okay. We can go shopping after we eat." It was possible Shan Haiming simply didn't notice Xiao Ning's implication that he wouldn't be going out with him for dinner. But it was also possible he ignored Xiao Ning's polite refusal and decided on the itinerary for them both. "There's a huge supermarket nearby, how about that?"

_{Xiao Ning kept thinking about this for a long time, before circling back to the thought: {Being lovers means...}}Such a reason was not only childish, it was a handicap. One Xiao Ning wasn't planning on letting Shan Haiming discover.

Xiao Ning kept thinking about this for a long time, before circling back to the thought: Being lovers means...

_{Contrary to expectations, Shan Haiming was unexpectedly the type who took care of others, and despite his methods being a bit strange or there being times a person would find it difficult to accept, Xiao Ning truly felt it was the type of person he is.}
"Who said that I don't like you?" Shan Haiming's expression remained normal.

Contrary to expectations, Shan Haiming was unexpectedly the type who took care of others, and despite his methods being a bit strange or there being times a person would find it difficult to accept, Xiao Ning truly felt it was the type of person he is.

_{Yet Xiao Ning's eyes still fell towards the table. "You don't like.}"Who said that I don't like you?" Shan Haiming's expression remained normal.

Yet Xiao Ning's eyes still fell towards the table. "You don't like... um, how should I say it? I don't feel as though you really like me, and I'm also not sure why you're willing to be in a relationship with me. If it's about your family matters, I'm willing to help you out with whatever, but if you feel as though this is the method of repayment you need to use since you're not paying me, then I'm willing to accept a salary if that would make you feel better about this. So you don't..."

_{But at current, he can't help but think that enjoying such treatment for a little bit might actually be alright.}But Shan Haiming then stated directly, "Today when you called, you didn't want me to come over."

But at current, he can't help but think that enjoying such treatment for a little bit might actually be alright.

_{After two people truly become lovers, this kind of cold war pattern could develop, and it simply made Xiao Ning descend into a bout of silent suffering.}Was this sweet talk or making trouble?

After two people truly become lovers, this kind of cold war pattern could develop, and it simply made Xiao Ning descend into a bout of silent suffering.

_{"Haiming..." Xiao Ning bit his lips as he tried to find the right words, "I'm not sure how I should say it, but we... we're just really um... weird."}
"I—" Xiao Ning unconsciously bound his fingers into a fist, his words instantly becoming incoherent. "I, uh... You, um..."

"Haiming..." Xiao Ning bit his lips as he tried to find the right words, "I'm not sure how I should say it, but we... we're just really um... weird."

_{Taking the note, Xiao Ning saw the following written:}Smiling bitterly, he went on to explain, "Everything else aside, I just find it really difficult to believe the words you say. It's not that I think you're not to be trusted, it's just that I..."

Taking the note, Xiao Ning saw the following written:

_{Upon entering the car, Shan Haiming asked, "What'd you like to eat?"}
"I like you." Shan Haiming tapped the table. "So right now, please remember it well that you just treated me like some crazy person who would sleep with someone that he doesn't like. I don't have that kind of energy."

Upon entering the car, Shan Haiming asked, "What'd you like to eat?"

_{"You hungry?" Shan Haiming leaned over to kiss him. It was a much different kiss than those of the prior night, seeming more like an act of comfort, and act of playfulness. "You should drink some milk."}"I like you." Shan Haiming tapped the table. "So right now, please remember it well that you just treated me like some crazy person who would sleep with someone that he doesn't like. I don't have that kind of energy."

"You hungry?" Shan Haiming leaned over to kiss him. It was a much different kiss than those of the prior night, seeming more like an act of comfort, and act of playfulness. "You should drink some milk."

_{But Shan Haiming had stuffed Xiaohei into his arms himself, then used his finger to scratch the little cat under its chin. "What's the matter?"}And to his words, Xiao Ning acquiesced.

But Shan Haiming had stuffed Xiaohei into his arms himself, then used his finger to scratch the little cat under its chin. "What's the matter?"

_{"Of course I..." Xiao Ning saw the waiter arrive with their meal and immediately sealed his lips. After the waiter left, he saw Shan Haiming looking at him with burning eyes, so he had to continue, "...of course I like... like—"}"Anything's fine," Xiao Ning replied as usual while putting on his seatbelt.

"Of course I..." Xiao Ning saw the waiter arrive with their meal and immediately sealed his lips. After the waiter left, he saw Shan Haiming looking at him with burning eyes, so he had to continue, "...of course I like... like—"

_{He had no clue what lovers should do. He had no clue what lovers should say. He had not one hint of an idea, and it was especially so since the guy in question was so much higher on the prospect sheet than him. Honestly, even at this stage, Xiao Ning couldn't so much as figure out how such a situation came to be.}
He was quite irritated as he spoke as if a simple maths problem of one plus one being two was something Xiao Ning couldn't solve.

He had no clue what lovers should do. He had no clue what lovers should say. He had not one hint of an idea, and it was especially so since the guy in question was so much higher on the prospect sheet than him. Honestly, even at this stage, Xiao Ning couldn't so much as figure out how such a situation came to be.

_{"Um... nothing much." Xiao Ning's face was still burning as he continued, "I just thought you might've been a clean freak."}"Huh?" Xiao Ning hummed before lifting his head.

"Um... nothing much." Xiao Ning's face was still burning as he continued, "I just thought you might've been a clean freak."

_{But Shan Haiming then stated directly, "Today when you called, you didn't want me to come over."}People who give the impression of being a bit eccentric have a tendency to also be obsessive with their whims or lifestyle.

But Shan Haiming then stated directly, "Today when you called, you didn't want me to come over."

_◈◇◈
Those words were something Xiao Ning never expected to hear in his dreams, and, at present, an explosive symphony went off in his mind in succession. It was utter chaos. It was impossible. How could it be? How could this be happening?

◈◇◈

_◈◇◈
Xiao Ning didn't realise he had asked, and Shan Haiming offhandedly added, "Because I feel that apart from me, there won't be anyone who'll like you. It was far too miserable and I couldn't stand it n bit, but I couldn't just leave it be either. So I picked you up, took you home and kept you for myself."

◈◇◈

_{But after saying all that, compared to usual, Shan Haiming seemed to have a bit less of that unconcerned calm and composed aura of his. He seemed like a kid who couldn't get any holiday candy and thus couldn't be happy.}"Keep it somewhere safe. It's my love letter to you, and it's the only one. So whenever you have nothing to do, take it out and have a look. This way you can get used to it sooner." Shan Haiming then picked up his chopsticks and began picking up some of his meal as he added, "What's more, in my twenty-four years of life, you are the only boyfriend I've had, so there's no one for you to be compared to, which means that no matter how you act, you'll always be my first."

But after saying all that, compared to usual, Shan Haiming seemed to have a bit less of that unconcerned calm and composed aura of his. He seemed like a kid who couldn't get any holiday candy and thus couldn't be happy.

_{But Shan Haiming had stuffed Xiaohei into his arms himself, then used his finger to scratch the little cat under its chin. "What's the matter?"}Shan Haiming pouted helplessly, "Is there anything I can't guess? So did you buy them?"

But Shan Haiming had stuffed Xiaohei into his arms himself, then used his finger to scratch the little cat under its chin. "What's the matter?"

_{Xiao Ning kept thinking about this for a long time, before circling back to the thought: {Being lovers means...}}"I like you." Shan Haiming tapped the table. "So right now, please remember it well that you just treated me like some crazy person who would sleep with someone that he doesn't like. I don't have that kind of energy."

Xiao Ning kept thinking about this for a long time, before circling back to the thought: Being lovers means...

_{Being taken care of by someone gave one a happy kind of feeling, and he was someone who rarely got such treatment. As the saying goes, a child who cries gets milk, and such a truth was always applicable no matter what the age may be.}
The noise in my head all stopped at once, leaving Xiao Ning speechless.

Being taken care of by someone gave one a happy kind of feeling, and he was someone who rarely got such treatment. As the saying goes, a child who cries gets milk, and such a truth was always applicable no matter what the age may be. But as a kid, Xiao Ning only thought of not wanting to cause others trouble, so when there were instances where he was taken care of by another, all he felt back then was uneasy and the need to apologise a thousand times over.

_{Shan Haiming pouted helplessly, "Is there anything I can't guess? So did you buy them?"}But after the layer of pretence was stripped from their relationship, Xiao Ning thought he had become a bit strange in some aspects, mostly in regard to him not having even more of a clue what he should say to Shan Haiming.

Shan Haiming pouted helplessly, "Is there anything I can't guess? So did you buy them?"

_{Under the shadow of his bangs and Shan Haiming's palms, Xiao Ning's slightly tired brows had a delicate kind of prettiness, a sort of meekness. "I was just wondering how long it'll be until the take-out arrives."}Being taken care of by someone gave one a happy kind of feeling, and he was someone who rarely got such treatment. As the saying goes, a child who cries gets milk, and such a truth was always applicable no matter what the age may be. But as a kid, Xiao Ning only thought of not wanting to cause others trouble, so when there were instances where he was taken care of by another, all he felt back then was uneasy and the need to apologise a thousand times over.

Under the shadow of his bangs and Shan Haiming's palms, Xiao Ning's slightly tired brows had a delicate kind of prettiness, a sort of meekness. "I was just wondering how long it'll be until the take-out arrives."

_{But Xiao Ning didn't dare accept the little guy as he was concerned about having Xiaohei roaming around in someone else's room. Back at his place, he would prevent Xiaohei from going on his bed or sofa, but this was Shan Haiming's bedroom, so he was really worried about cleanliness and the like.}
...should I say thank you now or something?

But Xiao Ning didn't dare accept the little guy as he was concerned about having Xiaohei roaming around in someone else's room. Back at his place, he would prevent Xiaohei from going on his bed or sofa, but this was Shan Haiming's bedroom, so he was really worried about cleanliness and the like.

_{{I feel like my heart's gonna melt.}}Yet Xiao Ning's eyes still fell towards the table. "You don't like... um, how should I say it? I don't feel as though you really like me, and I'm also not sure why you're willing to be in a relationship with me. If it's about your family matters, I'm willing to help you out with whatever, but if you feel as though this is the method of repayment you need to use since you're not paying me, then I'm willing to accept a salary if that would make you feel better about this. So you don't..."

I feel like my heart's gonna melt.

_{After his initial surprise, Xiao Ning couldn't help but feel nothing but joy. If this trip went well, it would be the first time he had ever travelled for fun, even if it was just a trip back to his hometown.}
According to logic, this was him being confessed to. It hadn't been long since they'd been boyfriends and they'd also slept together before, so the sequence of events was a bit out of order. But at the moment, Xiao Ning really had no idea how to react.

After his initial surprise, Xiao Ning couldn't help but feel nothing but joy. If this trip went well, it would be the first time he had ever travelled for fun, even if it was just a trip back to his hometown.

_{Yet Xiao Ning's eyes still fell towards the table. "You don't like.}While binging gulps of water to cover up his embarrassment over having nothing to talk about, Xiao Ning then Shan Haiming suddenly asked him, "Is it that difficult to be with me?"

Yet Xiao Ning's eyes still fell towards the table. "You don't like... um, how should I say it? I don't feel as though you really like me, and I'm also not sure why you're willing to be in a relationship with me. If it's about your family matters, I'm willing to help you out with whatever, but if you feel as though this is the method of repayment you need to use since you're not paying me, then I'm willing to accept a salary if that would make you feel better about this. So you don't..."

_{"I want to go buy a few things after work since we'll be going to C-City in a few days and it wouldn't be good to head back there empty-handed. So if you're.}"You like me." Shan Haiming's words shocked Xiao Ning, who seemed like a treasure-coveting thief who had just suddenly been exposed, and who listened to Shan Haiming continue, "It's decided.'

"I want to go buy a few things after work since we'll be going to C-City in a few days and it wouldn't be good to head back there empty-handed. So if you're..." The reason Xiao Ning had phoned him at that moment, was because he wasn't sure if Shan Haiming wanted to go along. If the other party had no intention of coming, but he told them in advance there was no need to come, that would appear quite presumptuous, wouldn't it?

_{Before, when Shan Haiming had said words that bordered on flirtation, Xiao Ning had only regarded it as him speaking casually, but now, even the words he said casually weren't ones Xiao Ning could in any way hear of anything said offhandedly.}With a disdainful tone seeming to convey the feeling "Are you an idiot", he replied, "To say that you like me too."

Before, when Shan Haiming had said words that bordered on flirtation, Xiao Ning had only regarded it as him speaking casually, but now, even the words he said casually weren't ones Xiao Ning could in any way hear of anything said offhandedly.

_{Yet Xiao Ning's eyes still fell towards the table. "You don't like.}
Across from him, Shan Haiming waited and waited, but no matter how long he waited he did not receive a response. So in the end he urged, Hurry up already."

Yet Xiao Ning's eyes still fell towards the table. "You don't like... um, how should I say it? I don't feel as though you really like me, and I'm also not sure why you're willing to be in a relationship with me. If it's about your family matters, I'm willing to help you out with whatever, but if you feel as though this is the method of repayment you need to use since you're not paying me, then I'm willing to accept a salary if that would make you feel better about this. So you don't..."

_{But Shan Haiming had stuffed Xiaohei into his arms himself, then used his finger to scratch the little cat under its chin. "What's the matter?"}Xiao Ning didn't hate it at all, but he honestly wasn't quite used to it.

But Shan Haiming had stuffed Xiaohei into his arms himself, then used his finger to scratch the little cat under its chin. "What's the matter?"

_{Across from him, Shan Haiming waited and waited, but no matter how long he waited he did not receive a response. So in the end he urged, Hurry up already."}But after the layer of pretence was stripped from their relationship, Xiao Ning thought he had become a bit strange in some aspects, mostly in regard to him not having even more of a clue what he should say to Shan Haiming.

Across from him, Shan Haiming waited and waited, but no matter how long he waited he did not receive a response. So in the end he urged, Hurry up already."

_{He had no idea if it was deliberate or not, but Shan Haiming seemed to have a lot more free time than he had before. After work, he would usually pick him up after work and they would go eat together, then at night, they would sleep in the same bed most of the time. In fact, the time they spent together had skyrocketed.}"Hurry up to do what?" Xiao Ning asked in confusion.

He had no idea if it was deliberate or not, but Shan Haiming seemed to have a lot more free time than he had before. After work, he would usually pick him up after work and they would go eat together, then at night, they would sleep in the same bed most of the time. In fact, the time they spent together had skyrocketed.

_{He had no idea if it was deliberate or not, but Shan Haiming seemed to have a lot more free time than he had before. After work, he would usually pick him up after work and they would go eat together, then at night, they would sleep in the same bed most of the time. In fact, the time they spent together had skyrocketed.}
"Hurry up to do what?" Xiao Ning asked in confusion.

He had no idea if it was deliberate or not, but Shan Haiming seemed to have a lot more free time than he had before. After work, he would usually pick him up after work and they would go eat together, then at night, they would sleep in the same bed most of the time. In fact, the time they spent together had skyrocketed.

_N/A"You hungry?" Shan Haiming leaned over to kiss him. It was a much different kiss than those of the prior night, seeming more like an act of comfort, and act of playfulness. "You should drink some milk."

N/A

_{Those words were something Xiao Ning never expected to hear in his dreams, and, at present, an explosive symphony went off in his mind in succession. It was utter chaos. It was impossible. How could it be? How could this be happening?}
With a disdainful tone seeming to convey the feeling "Are you an idiot", he replied, "To say that you like me too."

Those words were something Xiao Ning never expected to hear in his dreams, and, at present, an explosive symphony went off in his mind in succession. It was utter chaos. It was impossible. How could it be? How could this be happening?

_{Xiao Ning: "..."}
Xiao Ning: "..."

Xiao Ning: "..."

_{Shan Haiming pouted helplessly, "Is there anything I can't guess? So did you buy them?"}
Is this how things should go? Having never been in love before, he didn't want to lie to him.

Shan Haiming pouted helplessly, "Is there anything I can't guess? So did you buy them?"

   _{by Shan Haiming}This kind of tawdry act that was commonly found in novels was far too over the top, but at this moment, Xiao Ning felt it completely touched.

   by Shan Haiming

_{To which Shan Haiming responded simply, "It depends on the person."}"I..." Xiao Ning couldn't tell Shan Haiming he was mistaken because it was the truth. "I just wanted to go shopping without having to trouble you."

To which Shan Haiming responded simply, "It depends on the person."

_{His voice was now reduced to a whisper, "I just find it very hard to believe at all, and this kind of feeling is something you might not be able to understand."}
"I..." How could words like those be easily said? For a person like Xiao Ning, a thing like "like" was a luxury. Even with Lu Yan, he had only thought about him in secret without holding onto a shred of hope. But with Shan Haiming it was to the degree where he didn't so much as dare think the thought.

His voice was now reduced to a whisper, "I just find it very hard to believe at all, and this kind of feeling is something you might not be able to understand."

_{Under the shadow of his bangs and Shan Haiming's palms, Xiao Ning's slightly tired brows had a delicate kind of prettiness, a sort of meekness. "I was just wondering how long it'll be until the take-out arrives."}Xiao Ning hesitated for a bit before continuing, "...need to force yourself."

Under the shadow of his bangs and Shan Haiming's palms, Xiao Ning's slightly tired brows had a delicate kind of prettiness, a sort of meekness. "I was just wondering how long it'll be until the take-out arrives."

_{{I feel like my heart's gonna melt.}}"Um... nothing much." Xiao Ning's face was still burning as he continued, "I just thought you might've been a clean freak."

I feel like my heart's gonna melt.

_{This was the first boyfriend he had ever had—in his entire life.}But after saying all that, compared to usual, Shan Haiming seemed to have a bit less of that unconcerned calm and composed aura of his. He seemed like a kid who couldn't get any holiday candy and thus couldn't be happy.

This was the first boyfriend he had ever had—in his entire life.

_{Xiao Ning felt his heart tighten at this realisation, and everything else seemed irrelevant. He didn't want to see Shan Haiming like this. He would rather the man's sharp tongue and criticism than see him be like this.}
He had so many worries, but it wasn't the time to think about such issues.

Xiao Ning felt his heart tighten at this realisation, and everything else seemed irrelevant. He didn't want to see Shan Haiming like this. He would rather the man's sharp tongue and criticism than see him be like this.

_{"Keep it somewhere safe. It's my love letter to you, and it's the only one.}
"You like me." Shan Haiming's words shocked Xiao Ning, who seemed like a treasure-coveting thief who had just suddenly been exposed, and who listened to Shan Haiming continue, "It's decided.'

"Keep it somewhere safe. It's my love letter to you, and it's the only one. So whenever you have nothing to do, take it out and have a look. This way you can get used to it sooner." Shan Haiming then picked up his chopsticks and began picking up some of his meal as he added, "What's more, in my twenty-four years of life, you are the only boyfriend I've had, so there's no one for you to be compared to, which means that no matter how you act, you'll always be my first."

_{Xiao Ning: "..."}While binging gulps of water to cover up his embarrassment over having nothing to talk about, Xiao Ning then Shan Haiming suddenly asked him, "Is it that difficult to be with me?"

Xiao Ning: "..."

_{"I..." Xiao Ning couldn't tell Shan Haiming he was mistaken because it was the truth. "I just wanted to go shopping without having to trouble you."}
Xiao Ning: "..."

"I..." Xiao Ning couldn't tell Shan Haiming he was mistaken because it was the truth. "I just wanted to go shopping without having to trouble you."

_{When he answered, Shan Haiming's voice was still incredibly composed, "Who said so?"}
Was this sweet talk or making trouble?

When he answered, Shan Haiming's voice was still incredibly composed, "Who said so?"

_{When he answered, Shan Haiming's voice was still incredibly composed, "Who said so?"}With a nod, Shan Haiming indicated he understood, and after hearing the doorbell ring, he got up to go get their takeout.

When he answered, Shan Haiming's voice was still incredibly composed, "Who said so?"

_{Xiao Ning's eyes widened a bit. "How did you..."}He lifted a brow, but he said nothing about the matter only carrying the glass of warm milk in his hand to Xiao Ning along with Xiaohei who was also stuffed into Xiao Ning's arms. "Drink it all yourself, don't share any with that guy."

Xiao Ning's eyes widened a bit. "How did you..."

_{People who give the impression of being a bit eccentric have a tendency to also be obsessive with their whims or lifestyle.}
But after saying all that, compared to usual, Shan Haiming seemed to have a bit less of that unconcerned calm and composed aura of his. He seemed like a kid who couldn't get any holiday candy and thus couldn't be happy.

People who give the impression of being a bit eccentric have a tendency to also be obsessive with their whims or lifestyle.

_{"You're so difficult to serve." Shan Haiming's tone showed displeasure as he raised his voice, "Waiter."}"I want to go buy a few things after work since we'll be going to C-City in a few days and it wouldn't be good to head back there empty-handed. So if you're..." The reason Xiao Ning had phoned him at that moment, was because he wasn't sure if Shan Haiming wanted to go along. If the other party had no intention of coming, but he told them in advance there was no need to come, that would appear quite presumptuous, wouldn't it?

"You're so difficult to serve." Shan Haiming's tone showed displeasure as he raised his voice, "Waiter."

_{"Nope, I just finished and was planning to head to your place. Is something up?"}
Xiao Ning felt his heart tighten at this realisation, and everything else seemed irrelevant. He didn't want to see Shan Haiming like this. He would rather the man's sharp tongue and criticism than see him be like this.

"Nope, I just finished and was planning to head to your place. Is something up?"

_{While Shan Haiming played around with Xiao Ning's palms, he asked the man before him, "What're you thinking about?"}Xiao Ning: "..."

While Shan Haiming played around with Xiao Ning's palms, he asked the man before him, "What're you thinking about?"

_{"I want to go buy a few things after work since we'll be going to C-City in a few days and it wouldn't be good to head back there empty-handed. So if you're.}
...It's strange for me to think like this too.

"I want to go buy a few things after work since we'll be going to C-City in a few days and it wouldn't be good to head back there empty-handed. So if you're..." The reason Xiao Ning had phoned him at that moment, was because he wasn't sure if Shan Haiming wanted to go along. If the other party had no intention of coming, but he told them in advance there was no need to come, that would appear quite presumptuous, wouldn't it?

_{"I want to go buy a few things after work since we'll be going to C-City in a few days and it wouldn't be good to head back there empty-handed. So if you're.}But Shan Haiming then stated directly, "Today when you called, you didn't want me to come over."

"I want to go buy a few things after work since we'll be going to C-City in a few days and it wouldn't be good to head back there empty-handed. So if you're..." The reason Xiao Ning had phoned him at that moment, was because he wasn't sure if Shan Haiming wanted to go along. If the other party had no intention of coming, but he told them in advance there was no need to come, that would appear quite presumptuous, wouldn't it?

_{"Yeah." Xiao Ning finally realised he had asked Wang Hua for Shan Haiming's ID card info, and if he had said something about that to Shan Haiming, it would be pretty easy for the guy before him to connect the dots. "The tickets are for the 8:25 p.m. flight on the 30th, and the flight duration is about two hours."}The noise in my head all stopped at once, leaving Xiao Ning speechless.

"Yeah." Xiao Ning finally realised he had asked Wang Hua for Shan Haiming's ID card info, and if he had said something about that to Shan Haiming, it would be pretty easy for the guy before him to connect the dots. "The tickets are for the 8:25 p.m. flight on the 30th, and the flight duration is about two hours."

_{It was too uncomfortable.}
"Of course I..." Xiao Ning saw the waiter arrive with their meal and immediately sealed his lips. After the waiter left, he saw Shan Haiming looking at him with burning eyes, so he had to continue, "...of course I like... like—"

It was too uncomfortable.

_{After two people truly become lovers, this kind of cold war pattern could develop, and it simply made Xiao Ning descend into a bout of silent suffering.}Xiao Ning hesitated for a bit before continuing, "...need to force yourself."

After two people truly become lovers, this kind of cold war pattern could develop, and it simply made Xiao Ning descend into a bout of silent suffering.

_{"You hungry?" Shan Haiming leaned over to kiss him. It was a much different kiss than those of the prior night, seeming more like an act of comfort, and act of playfulness. "You should drink some milk."}
Shan Haiming suddenly interrupted him to say, "Tell me. Tell me what you're worried about."

"You hungry?" Shan Haiming leaned over to kiss him. It was a much different kiss than those of the prior night, seeming more like an act of comfort, and act of playfulness. "You should drink some milk."

_{"I..." Xiao Ning couldn't tell Shan Haiming he was mistaken because it was the truth. "I just wanted to go shopping without having to trouble you."}Taking the note, Xiao Ning saw the following written:

"I..." Xiao Ning couldn't tell Shan Haiming he was mistaken because it was the truth. "I just wanted to go shopping without having to trouble you."

_{And to his words, Xiao Ning acquiesced.}Luckily, he didn't have that much strength left in him, otherwise, the glass in his hand would shatter. But, unfortunately for Xiaohei, it was not as firm as that cup, so with a yelp, it shocked Xiao Ning into quickly letting it go. Then with a proud leap, it hopped off the bed and ran out of the room, completely ignoring those human's foolishness.

And to his words, Xiao Ning acquiesced.

_{Xiao Ning didn't hate it at all, but he honestly wasn't quite used to it.}"Who said that I don't like you?" Shan Haiming's expression remained normal.

Xiao Ning didn't hate it at all, but he honestly wasn't quite used to it.

_{Xiao Ning kept thinking about this for a long time, before circling back to the thought: Being lovers means...}
Xiao Ning gasped in that instant, wondering how it was this man could always be so sharp.

Xiao Ning kept thinking about this for a long time, before circling back to the thought: Being lovers means...

_{"I do understand." Shan Haiming then said slowly, "You feel as though you don't deserve me, and that even though I'm interested in you right now, after a lot of time passes or that if you don't perform well, I might end up not liking you any more."}Shan Haiming frowned, seeming as if there was something he wanted to say, but in the end, he had said nothing instead.

"I do understand." Shan Haiming then said slowly, "You feel as though you don't deserve me, and that even though I'm interested in you right now, after a lot of time passes or that if you don't perform well, I might end up not liking you any more."

_{So, if he said they were lovers, then it must be that they were.}...It's strange for me to think like this too.

So, if he said they were lovers, then it must be that they were.

_{While binging gulps of water to cover up his embarrassment over having nothing to talk about, Xiao Ning then Shan Haiming suddenly asked him, "Is it that difficult to be with me?"}
Smiling bitterly, he went on to explain, "Everything else aside, I just find it really difficult to believe the words you say. It's not that I think you're not to be trusted, it's just that I..."

While binging gulps of water to cover up his embarrassment over having nothing to talk about, Xiao Ning then Shan Haiming suddenly asked him, "Is it that difficult to be with me?"

_{The waiter who wasn't far away heard him and came over. "Yes, sir?"}While binging gulps of water to cover up his embarrassment over having nothing to talk about, Xiao Ning then Shan Haiming suddenly asked him, "Is it that difficult to be with me?"

The waiter who wasn't far away heard him and came over. "Yes, sir?"

_{"Um... nothing much." Xiao Ning's face was still burning as he continued, "I just thought you might've been a clean freak."}
His voice was now reduced to a whisper, "I just find it very hard to believe at all, and this kind of feeling is something you might not be able to understand."

"Um... nothing much." Xiao Ning's face was still burning as he continued, "I just thought you might've been a clean freak."

_{Shan Haiming came back in to see Xiao Ning sit up with a start and staring straight at him with a face that exploded in a blush.}"How?" Shan Haiming asked calmly.

Shan Haiming came back in to see Xiao Ning sit up with a start and staring straight at him with a face that exploded in a blush.

_{"So tell me," Shan Haiming propped himself up on the edge of his bed by the elbows, "did you already buy the tickets?"}Being taken care of by someone gave one a happy kind of feeling, and he was someone who rarely got such treatment. As the saying goes, a child who cries gets milk, and such a truth was always applicable no matter what the age may be. But as a kid, Xiao Ning only thought of not wanting to cause others trouble, so when there were instances where he was taken care of by another, all he felt back then was uneasy and the need to apologise a thousand times over.

"So tell me," Shan Haiming propped himself up on the edge of his bed by the elbows, "did you already buy the tickets?"

_{Is this how things should go? Having never been in love before, he didn't want to lie to him.}
"I do understand." Shan Haiming then said slowly, "You feel as though you don't deserve me, and that even though I'm interested in you right now, after a lot of time passes or that if you don't perform well, I might end up not liking you any more."

Is this how things should go? Having never been in love before, he didn't want to lie to him.

_{"I—" Xiao Ning unconsciously bound his fingers into a fist, his words instantly becoming incoherent. "I, uh... You, um..."}People who give the impression of being a bit eccentric have a tendency to also be obsessive with their whims or lifestyle.

"I—" Xiao Ning unconsciously bound his fingers into a fist, his words instantly becoming incoherent. "I, uh... You, um..."

_{{Was this sweet talk or making trouble?}}"Who said that I don't like you?" Shan Haiming's expression remained normal.

Was this sweet talk or making trouble?

_{Xiao Ning's eyes widened a bit. "How did you..."}"What are you saying?" The glass in Xiao Ning's hand was already emptied, but he didn't put it down to instead immediately refute it. "No, it isn't."

Xiao Ning's eyes widened a bit. "How did you..."

_{But after the layer of pretence was stripped from their relationship, Xiao Ning thought he had become a bit strange in some aspects, mostly in regard to him not having even more of a clue what he should say to Shan Haiming.}
It was all true. Everything he said was stated even more clearly than Xiao Ning could think.

But after the layer of pretence was stripped from their relationship, Xiao Ning thought he had become a bit strange in some aspects, mostly in regard to him not having even more of a clue what he should say to Shan Haiming.

_{"Anything's fine," Xiao Ning replied as usual while putting on his seatbelt.}
And to his words, Xiao Ning acquiesced.

"Anything's fine," Xiao Ning replied as usual while putting on his seatbelt.

_{"I..." How could words like those be easily said? For a person like Xiao Ning, a thing like "like" was a luxury. Even with Lu Yan, he had only thought about him in secret without holding onto a shred of hope. But with Shan Haiming it was to the degree where he didn't so much as dare think the thought.}N/A

"I..." How could words like those be easily said? For a person like Xiao Ning, a thing like "like" was a luxury. Even with Lu Yan, he had only thought about him in secret without holding onto a shred of hope. But with Shan Haiming it was to the degree where he didn't so much as dare think the thought.

_{"You like me." Shan Haiming's words shocked Xiao Ning, who seemed like a treasure-coveting thief who had just suddenly been exposed, and who listened to Shan Haiming continue, "It's decided.'}According to logic, this was him being confessed to. It hadn't been long since they'd been boyfriends and they'd also slept together before, so the sequence of events was a bit out of order. But at the moment, Xiao Ning really had no idea how to react.

"You like me." Shan Haiming's words shocked Xiao Ning, who seemed like a treasure-coveting thief who had just suddenly been exposed, and who listened to Shan Haiming continue, "It's decided.'

_{It wasn't that he did not want to speak, just that he was so used to always reviewing his words beforehand and was caught up in thoughts of: Will this be really boring? Or, will it be super annoying? And because he was bad at striking up lively conversations, when all his options were filtered out, he would be left with nothing proper to say.}
"You're so difficult to serve." Shan Haiming's tone showed displeasure as he raised his voice, "Waiter."

It wasn't that he did not want to speak, just that he was so used to always reviewing his words beforehand and was caught up in thoughts of: Will this be really boring? Or, will it be super annoying? And because he was bad at striking up lively conversations, when all his options were filtered out, he would be left with nothing proper to say.

_{Smiling bitterly, he went on to explain, "Everything else aside, I just find it really difficult to believe the words you say. It's not that I think you're not to be trusted, it's just that I..."}
The waiter who wasn't far away heard him and came over. "Yes, sir?"

Smiling bitterly, he went on to explain, "Everything else aside, I just find it really difficult to believe the words you say. It's not that I think you're not to be trusted, it's just that I..."

_{After his initial surprise, Xiao Ning couldn't help but feel nothing but joy. If this trip went well, it would be the first time he had ever travelled for fun, even if it was just a trip back to his hometown.}But after the layer of pretence was stripped from their relationship, Xiao Ning thought he had become a bit strange in some aspects, mostly in regard to him not having even more of a clue what he should say to Shan Haiming.

After his initial surprise, Xiao Ning couldn't help but feel nothing but joy. If this trip went well, it would be the first time he had ever travelled for fun, even if it was just a trip back to his hometown.

_{"I..." How could words like those be easily said? For a person like Xiao Ning, a thing like "like" was a luxury. Even with Lu Yan, he had only thought about him in secret without holding onto a shred of hope. But with Shan Haiming it was to the degree where he didn't so much as dare think the thought.}
"Can you bring me a pen?" Shan Haiming asked.

"I..." How could words like those be easily said? For a person like Xiao Ning, a thing like "like" was a luxury. Even with Lu Yan, he had only thought about him in secret without holding onto a shred of hope. But with Shan Haiming it was to the degree where he didn't so much as dare think the thought.

_{Under the shadow of his bangs and Shan Haiming's palms, Xiao Ning's slightly tired brows had a delicate kind of prettiness, a sort of meekness. "I was just wondering how long it'll be until the take-out arrives."}Like this, while holding both his glass of milk and hugging Xiaohei, Xiao Ning admitted he and his lover were very close. And with these kinds of thoughts, regardless if it was his body or his heart, Xiao Ning felt warm and soft all over. So now, while staring at hand Haiming's handsome face, he suddenly got the urge to ask him, "Are your Labour Day plans on the first important?"

Under the shadow of his bangs and Shan Haiming's palms, Xiao Ning's slightly tired brows had a delicate kind of prettiness, a sort of meekness. "I was just wondering how long it'll be until the take-out arrives."

_{Being taken care of by someone gave one a happy kind of feeling, and he was someone who rarely got such treatment. As the saying goes, a child who cries gets milk, and such a truth was always applicable no matter what the age may be.}Shan Haiming frowned, seeming as if there was something he wanted to say, but in the end, he had said nothing instead.

Being taken care of by someone gave one a happy kind of feeling, and he was someone who rarely got such treatment. As the saying goes, a child who cries gets milk, and such a truth was always applicable no matter what the age may be. But as a kid, Xiao Ning only thought of not wanting to cause others trouble, so when there were instances where he was taken care of by another, all he felt back then was uneasy and the need to apologise a thousand times over.

_{While binging gulps of water to cover up his embarrassment over having nothing to talk about, Xiao Ning then Shan Haiming suddenly asked him, "Is it that difficult to be with me?"}He was quite irritated as he spoke as if a simple maths problem of one plus one being two was something Xiao Ning couldn't solve.

While binging gulps of water to cover up his embarrassment over having nothing to talk about, Xiao Ning then Shan Haiming suddenly asked him, "Is it that difficult to be with me?"

_{With a disdainful tone seeming to convey the feeling "Are you an idiot", he replied, "To say that you like me too."}
"Of course, sir." The waiter hurried off and came back with a pen not long after. Shan Haiming then took out a napkin and began writing something, then when he was done, he handed it to Xiao Ning.

With a disdainful tone seeming to convey the feeling "Are you an idiot", he replied, "To say that you like me too."

_{Luckily, he didn't have that much strength left in him, otherwise, the glass in his hand would shatter. But, unfortunately for Xiaohei, it was not as firm as that cup, so with a yelp, it shocked Xiao Ning into quickly letting it go. Then with a proud leap, it hopped off the bed and ran out of the room, completely ignoring those human's foolishness.}But Shan Haiming had stuffed Xiaohei into his arms himself, then used his finger to scratch the little cat under its chin. "What's the matter?"

Luckily, he didn't have that much strength left in him, otherwise, the glass in his hand would shatter. But, unfortunately for Xiaohei, it was not as firm as that cup, so with a yelp, it shocked Xiao Ning into quickly letting it go. Then with a proud leap, it hopped off the bed and ran out of the room, completely ignoring those human's foolishness.

_◈◇◈Xiao Ning: "..."

◈◇◈

_{With a nod, Shan Haiming indicated he understood, and after hearing the doorbell ring, he got up to go get their takeout.}
Taking the note, Xiao Ning saw the following written:

With a nod, Shan Haiming indicated he understood, and after hearing the doorbell ring, he got up to go get their takeout.

_{"I—" Xiao Ning unconsciously bound his fingers into a fist, his words instantly becoming incoherent. "I, uh... You, um..."}
   Xiao Ning, I like you.

"I—" Xiao Ning unconsciously bound his fingers into a fist, his words instantly becoming incoherent. "I, uh... You, um..."

_{Upon entering the car, Shan Haiming asked, "What'd you like to eat?"}Xiao Ning didn't hate it at all, but he honestly wasn't quite used to it.

Upon entering the car, Shan Haiming asked, "What'd you like to eat?"

_{...should I say thank you now or something?}
   by Shan Haiming

...should I say thank you now or something?

_{"Yeah." Xiao Ning finally realised he had asked Wang Hua for Shan Haiming's ID card info, and if he had said something about that to Shan Haiming, it would be pretty easy for the guy before him to connect the dots. "The tickets are for the 8:25 p.m. flight on the 30th, and the flight duration is about two hours."}
"Keep it somewhere safe. It's my love letter to you, and it's the only one. So whenever you have nothing to do, take it out and have a look. This way you can get used to it sooner." Shan Haiming then picked up his chopsticks and began picking up some of his meal as he added, "What's more, in my twenty-four years of life, you are the only boyfriend I've had, so there's no one for you to be compared to, which means that no matter how you act, you'll always be my first."

"Yeah." Xiao Ning finally realised he had asked Wang Hua for Shan Haiming's ID card info, and if he had said something about that to Shan Haiming, it would be pretty easy for the guy before him to connect the dots. "The tickets are for the 8:25 p.m. flight on the 30th, and the flight duration is about two hours."

_{Across from him, Shan Haiming waited and waited, but no matter how long he waited he did not receive a response. So in the end he urged, Hurry up already."}Those words were something Xiao Ning never expected to hear in his dreams, and, at present, an explosive symphony went off in his mind in succession. It was utter chaos. It was impossible. How could it be? How could this be happening?

Across from him, Shan Haiming waited and waited, but no matter how long he waited he did not receive a response. So in the end he urged, Hurry up already."

_{But after the layer of pretence was stripped from their relationship, Xiao Ning thought he had become a bit strange in some aspects, mostly in regard to him not having even more of a clue what he should say to Shan Haiming.}Xiao Ning: "..."

But after the layer of pretence was stripped from their relationship, Xiao Ning thought he had become a bit strange in some aspects, mostly in regard to him not having even more of a clue what he should say to Shan Haiming.

_{During their drive, Xiao Ning was as silent as a mouse and Shan Haiming also never said a word. Maybe this was always how he had been, when he had something to say, he'd just say it, and he wasn't the type to look for something to talk about just to fill the silence. But, currently, in Xiao Ning's eyes, it seemed as though Shan Haiming's mood was lower than usual.}
This kind of tawdry act that was commonly found in novels was far too over the top, but at this moment, Xiao Ning felt it completely touched.

During their drive, Xiao Ning was as silent as a mouse and Shan Haiming also never said a word. Maybe this was always how he had been, when he had something to say, he'd just say it, and he wasn't the type to look for something to talk about just to fill the silence. But, currently, in Xiao Ning's eyes, it seemed as though Shan Haiming's mood was lower than usual.

_{But at current, he can't help but think that enjoying such treatment for a little bit might actually be alright.}Before, when Shan Haiming had said words that bordered on flirtation, Xiao Ning had only regarded it as him speaking casually, but now, even the words he said casually weren't ones Xiao Ning could in any way hear of anything said offhandedly.

But at current, he can't help but think that enjoying such treatment for a little bit might actually be alright.

_{{It was too uncomfortable.}}"Oh, okay. We can go shopping after we eat." It was possible Shan Haiming simply didn't notice Xiao Ning's implication that he wouldn't be going out with him for dinner. But it was also possible he ignored Xiao Ning's polite refusal and decided on the itinerary for them both. "There's a huge supermarket nearby, how about that?"

It was too uncomfortable.

_{The noise in my head all stopped at once, leaving Xiao Ning speechless.}
I feel like my heart's gonna melt.

The noise in my head all stopped at once, leaving Xiao Ning speechless.

_{Xiao Ning kept thinking about this for a long time, before circling back to the thought: {Being lovers means...}}"How?" Shan Haiming asked calmly.

Xiao Ning kept thinking about this for a long time, before circling back to the thought: Being lovers means...

_{Once he voiced these words, the weight on his chest lifted, as if someone had removed a layer of skin.}While binging gulps of water to cover up his embarrassment over having nothing to talk about, Xiao Ning then Shan Haiming suddenly asked him, "Is it that difficult to be with me?"

Once he voiced these words, the weight on his chest lifted, as if someone had removed a layer of skin.

---

Author's Note:

N/A

Notes:

iana: I love corny sht, so my heart's melting too.

• Previous
• Next
• ToC